a little east of reality

seven minutes in ...heaven?

2010-03-23T00:03:00.004+11:00

I'm trying to write a seven minute screenplay, draft due on Friday. I've had a few ideas ~ even one I like ~ but it's a real challenge to distill it down to the crucial elements so that it fits the time frame. I've watched a few short films now and it IS possible to tell an intriguing story in a few scenes.

What it ISN'T is easy.

because there aren't enough happy endings

2010-03-15T07:42:00.002+11:00

When I first saw this picture I was obviously horrified. Then I read the story.

Here's Chuanliu: a guy with two kids. He's a rickshaw driver in Beijing. His wife is mentally disabled and spends her days picking up trash on the road. She is unable to care for the child. They have a two year old that has to be somewhere during the day while Chuanliu's at work. He's a migrant worker, so he can't get child care assistance from the Chinese government. Whatever arrangements he had made previously failed, because the month before this photo was taken, his four-year-old daughter was stolen. He said:

My wife can't take care of him and I have to work to support my family. So I chain him to a pole when I have a fare. I don't even have a picture of my daughter to use for a missing-person poster. I cannot lose my son as well.

So what should he have done? And this is one reason I blogged this story. It was something to realise that there really might have been no good solution. He apparently doesn't have other family to rely on. I suppose his thinking was that if the boy at least stayed where he parks his rickshaw, then he would be able to check on him between fares. Though Lao Lu was chained (which makes sense, because a kidnapper could undo others bindings) he had mobility and relative safety (compared to being left alone able to wander away).

Am I saying it's okay? No. Of course it's not okay for a two-year-old to be chained to a pole while his father works. But at least in this crap heap of a situation, his father loves him. He just can't provide for him, though he's trying. Apparently he's been offered large sums of money (probably by a family who have a daugher and can't try for a boy ~ highly valued in Chinese culture ~ because of the one child policy) to give his son up for adoption and refused. Good for him. He needs help, not to lose his last child.

I imagine it must have been with some desperation that he came to this solution and it must have been humiliating to have someone take a picture of his son and expose their plight to the world. But a child care centre owner in Beijing saw the story and now Lao Lu will be in free child care for the next three years. May that person get twice the karma points they deserve. I wonder how many other centre owners read the story and just sat back and judged him as a bad parent.

randall...are you afraid of commitment?

2010-03-14T06:36:00.000+11:00

Mouseover text: Using a ring to bind someone you covet into your dark and twisted world? Wow, just got the subtext there. Also, the apparently eager Beyonce would've made one badass Nazgul.

The kind of mind that connects Beyonce with Tolkien...guys like this give me such a heart on. (Just to clarify, I mean xkcd's Randall, not Sauron. Evil overlords are so emotionally manipulative.)

invictus

2010-02-06T22:13:00.006+11:00

I quite like Clint Eastwood as a director, and he did a good job on this movie. It did gloss over Mandela's personal life (past infidelities and the like), only hinting at his problems. In one way this was a shame, because the contrast of his private weaknesses against his public successes would have made for an interesting study.

But the story it did tell was quite inspiring. Mandela had a choice when he took office. After 30 years in prison, some would have only been interested in revenge, but he recognised that this wasn't a useful approach. He showed compassion and fairness to the white minority who really didn't deserve it given their history. One of the symbols of that group was the Springbok rugby team and he engaged with the team, found ways to allow South African blacks to engage with them, too, in positive ways. And all of this leading up to the Rugby World Cup, which South Africa was hosting.

The title of the movie (which means 'unconquered') actually reflects an interesting choice, from the director and the writer. In the movie, just before the Cup, Mandela gives the Springbok captain Francois Pienaar a copy of a poem he says gave him hope while he was in prison. It's not bad either, as inspiring words go.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

There's just one thing ~ that isn't what Mandela actually gave Pienaar. In real life, Mandela gave him an extract from Theodore Roosevelt's "The Man in the Arena" speech from 1910. The thing is, the extract is wonderful, and it's much more apt for a captain taking his team into the competition of their lives, with the country hanging on their success. The pressure must have been enormous, and they were copping constant flack in the media in the year leading up to the Cup. This is the extract:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Damn straight, Teddy. Wise words. I really wish they'd used it in the movie. Given how precariously Mandela risked failure in order to bring his country together at a crucial moment, I think that extract was the better choice.

Not sure if there's anyone out there still reading this blog after such a long break, but if so, what piece of writing do you find inspiring/motivating?

antipodal blogging

2009-10-27T23:59:00.008+11:00

Okay, as long as no-one on my blogroll has recently moved to Iceland, Northeast Canada or East Africa, I think I'm good.

'The fool' over at My Pet Shadow has tagged me (but this is not a meme) to be the next participant in his random (non-meme) post idea. :)

Here's how it works:

First, look through your blogroll and find the blogger whose location is the furthest from you on the globe. If your blog doesn't have a blogroll, then pick a blog you read regularly and use that one. Figure out the distance between your location and theirs in miles. Google can give you a bunch of links to sites that have a distance calculator. You'll need that distance to add to the running total.

Second, post it on your blog. Be sure to include:
1. A link to their blog.
2. The distance from your location to theirs.
3. Add that distance to the running total stated in the blog post that tagged you and list the new total.9,725
4. A link to the post in which you were tagged.

Third, let the other blogger know, via e-mail, a comment, carrier pigeon, or however else you communicate with others, that you've listed them as your faraway friend and let them know it's their turn. Be sure and let them know how this is supposed to work.

If it happens (and it's likely) that the person who tagged you is also the farthest from your location, go with the second farthest. No point in having you both post back and forth ad infinitum. Even though that would give you both something to post on those blocked days when your brain's gone dry, it would be just plain stupid.

In theory, people should be able to follow the path back to the origin (which is here) and forward to the latest.

So without further ado:

The blogger on my blogroll who's furthest away from me is bonnie over at frogma!

Being in New York, she is 16,233 km or 10,087 miles away from me.
That makes the running total: 19812 miles or 31884 km. (We've only just begun...)

Your turn, river rat! :)

why i like twitter

2009-10-17T11:44:00.007+11:00

Pink: I'm watching this incredible show called "dinner for five" with Jon Favreau and its f*cking amazing!
Pink: If I were invited 2 this dinner, my guests would be Robert Downey Jr., Drew Barrymore, and Bette Midler. With myself and Jon Favreau. Weird.
Pink: Or Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon.if u could have dinner (filmed) with 4 people-who would it be?
Pink: Is it too late to add Juliette Lewis, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn?
Rove1974: @Pink I was pretty busy anyway... ;)
Pink: @Rove1974 haha u suck. Let's film the next dinner! Ill wear a tu-tu.And floaties. Whatre u gonna wear? Can we do that on your show next time?
Rove1974: @Pink Two words: assless chaps.
Pink: @Rove1974 oooooh its recorded buddy!!! U just put that in writing!!!

amandapalmer: i love the cure
wilw: @amandapalmer The Cure are the soundtrack to the very best part of my teen years. I love them, too.
amandapalmer: @wilw i feel guilty. i saw them at coachella, ecstatic, & wrote a 2-page open letter to robert smith that i've yet to send.
amandapalmer: (and @lanceperkins just joined us by sending me a text saying I LOVE THE CURE MORE). we can all share the cure, lance.
wilw: @amandapalmer I'd be afraid to send it, to be honest. I mean, what if I wrote that letter, and he wasn't awesome back? I'd be *devastated*.
amandapalmer: @wilw you know, i felt that way at coachella. i purposely didn't want to meet him because i was so terrified i'd be disappointed.
amandapalmer: all this nonsense is making me feel like i must retrieve my robert smith letter out the drafts folder & fucking finish it. to the wine!
wilw: @amandapalmer I'm so relieved that I'm not the only one. I hear he's a wonderful person, but I'd be terrified to take a chance.

Edit: Later that night...
wilw: @amandapalmer ALL HAIL CAPSLOCK AND #LOFNOTC! Tonight's soundtrack, unsurprisingly, includes The Cure...

(By the way, that's 'Losers on Friday night on the computer'.)

I'll look forward to seeing Rove in assless chaps next time Pink is in town. Who would you be scared to write to in case they weren't as awesome as you hoped? I love The Cure, but Robert Smith isn't my guy.

This is a hard question for me, because I lost my awe back when I was 13. It was my first concert and the band was KISS. Literally larger than life in their platform boots and huge costumes and there was I, right up the front and completely starstruck. And then the wind kept blowing towards the stage. No matter how hard Ace and Paul tried to throw guitar picks into the crowd, they would keep blowing back onto the stage. At some point, Ace leaned over and made some comment about it that made Paul laugh and I suddenly thought, 'they're just people'. Oh.

I've admired people since then, I've crushed on people, but I don't think I ever again believed that someone was superhuman. Maybe David Bowie for a while, but that's different because clearly he was. :) But I'd hate to write to Edward Norton and find he wasn't as amazing as he seems. I'm definitely terrified to ever meet John Cusack in person, because then I'd have to face the fact that he probably wouldn't think I was awesome and need to hang out with me, which is a fantasy I'd like to keep hold of a while longer. :) I don't have to worry about Neil Gaiman, because I've met him eight or nine times now and he is very human and resoundingly awesome and that won't change. I've never met Viggo Mortensen, but I have this inexplicable certainty that he wouldn't disappoint me. I'd still expect too much of David Bowie, but I'm sure he's used to that. Even awesome people think he's awesome.

Norton it is then. I wonder if he Twitters...

blasphemer!

2009-09-30T11:11:00.001+10:00

I've been reading on Craig's blog about an attempt to have September 30 declared International Blasphemy Day. While I don't have any particular drive to blaspheme :) what I do find important about the idea of the day is that blasphemy is a matter of offence, and the truth is that it is not at all difficult to offend other people. Pretty much any religious idea or statement about religious doctrine or practice, for or against, can be deemed blasphemous by someone else. It is the nature of such things that where beliefs differ, offence will occur. People, generally, are easily offended.

On 9 July 2009, a law was passed in Ireland making blasphemous libel a crime for material "that is grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby causing outrage among a substantial number of the adherents of that religion; and he or she intends, by the publication of the matter concerned, to cause such outrage". Matters held sacred by any religion: can you see how easily (and inappropriately) that law could be deemed to have been broken?

Some time before the law was passed, a debate was held at the Guardian Hay Festival between Stephen Fry and Christopher Hitchens. It was a wonderful rambling conversation that examined many different issues relating to religion and blasphemy. The whole debate is 78min and can be downloaded here, but this nine or so minutes below is a good representation of the kind of points they make. It is not important whether you are religious or not, atheist (as they both are) or not, offended by what they say or not. I think this debate would be thought-provoking for anyone on the subject of blasphemy.

From blasphemyday.com:

The primary focus of the Blasphemy Day movement and indeed this website is not to debate the existence of any gods or deities...

The objective of International Blasphemy Day is to open up all religious beliefs to the same level of free inquiry, discussion and criticism to which all other areas of academic interest are subjected.

Without honest, open discussion religion can become a fence within which freedom of mind and will is contained and captured. Questioning, criticism, accountability, doubt ~ all are necessary and should remain legal. This is not to say that inciting any kind of action or violence against believers or non-believers is okay. Other laws govern that kind of action in many countries. But the right to think and express those thoughts, whether warped or wonderful, should be protected by society and its laws.

What do you think? Let me know what you think about the debate, too, if you end up listening to it. And in the spirit of the day, I have a recommendation for anyone who knows the Old Testament in the Bible. You don't have to love it or read it every day; you just need to be familiar with it. I'd like to recommend The FOB Bible. From the linked page:

The Old Testament re-imagined through poetry, verse, closet drama, e-mail, and short story. At once irreverent, whimsical, sexy, feminist, and poignant, this ain't your mama's Bible, and you sure didn't learn this in Sunday school.

I find this description apt. I like the way the pieces explore and question various ideas in the Bible, and without the need to come to any particular conclusion. Not only that, but it's really well-written. Here's one reading ~ it's a fun one and pretty much the only of the Youtube readings that isn't mumbled or otherwise inaudible (favourite line is when New Testament god 'whistled in disbelief and the air around him filled with tinkling bells and minty freshness'). I really wish the one about Abraham was there. I love that one. I also have no doubt that it, and several of the other pieces, would be labelled blasphemous by someone, because the authors dare to think and feel and bring new perspective to old words set in stone. Enjoy.

so many draft posts, so little time

2009-09-22T08:39:00.004+10:00

In the absence of a real post, here's a fun article for you. It's an exclusive interview with members of the 'real' global vampire community. I actually thought it was a parody at first, but apparently not. This first exchange I found interesting:

Q: What do you think is the largest major concern facing the modern vampire subculture?

A: I would say that currently, the largest concern and struggle for the modern vampire subculture is trying to solidify identity and structure for the various facets in the subculture.

Seriously? That's their greatest concern right now. As opposed to say, the fact that they are delusional? I guess that can be hard to spot from the inside.

On a more serious note, though, I wonder what it is in a person that causes them to 'awake' to the idea that they need to drink other people's energy or blood. I don't think it's an issue if their prey are willing (and there are people out there who willingly let others drink from them), but what intrigues me is the need to do it. Other rituals, like piercing and tattoos, other rites of belonging or passage, I can kind of grasp the reasons for them, but this one still floors me. And when someone simply believes they are a vampire, well yes, that speaks delusion to me. But delusions have a purpose and damned if I can even guess at this one...

officially mormon no more

2009-09-13T23:08:00.001+10:00

I didn't make an appointment to see the bishop when I went to hand in my resignation letter. I'd had it sitting in my bag some time, not because I was hesitant, but because my writing group, which used to meet every second Sunday right across the street from the chapel, is now meeting elsewhere and I'm never in the area. Somehow today it felt necessary to have this decision, made a long time ago, finally actioned.

But he was in a meeting, and so I waited. Two wards meet in that chapel. I chatted with friends before they left for home and then sat alone for a while before new people started filtering in to attend the afternoon session. Just before the meeting started, one of my ex-seminary students came through with his family. Six** is a funny and deep-thinking kid (technically now a man, but young enough to be my kid, so whatever). I always wish I knew him better ~ he's just good value. He was probably surprised to see me there, given that he knew I had stopped attending back in January. He has his own issues and doesn't necessarily attend by choice. It's something we talked about a long time ago, when my mind was thick with doubt, but I wasn't yet talking to anyone else about it. I always felt bad for not telling him exactly how I felt at the time because I thought maybe he needed to hear that not being part of the church was a valid option, a choice he had a right to if he wanted it, and I don't know if I said it out loud to him like I should have. I think he knew I supported him no matter what, but I don't like not being open, especially when I trust the person I'm talking to.

I wanted the chance to talk to him and explain why I was there today, but the meeting was starting and he had to go inside. The ward was having their Primary presentation, an annual event where the Sacrament meeting ~ the music and talks, etc ~ are provided by the children in the ward under twelve. It was a little surreal. There I was, waiting just outside the chapel area where the meeting was happening, knowing that I was there to end my membership, all the while listening the children sing about eternal families and sharing the Gospel, etc. One talk featured a story about (ironically my favourite of the presidents of the church) Spencer Kimball telling a man whose many children were all active in the church and had all married in the temple (a special thing in the LDS church, with eternal blessings attached to it) that his was the greatest success story he had ever heard. Part of me felt sad because I taught in Primary for so many years and I still miss the kids I taught last year. But another part of me was responding to the memorised quotes and talks and songs by reflecting on how young the kids start learning that these things are truths and wondering what Six was thinking as he listened. Maybe he still had his headphones on and missed it all.

Finally the bishop was free. I explained why I was there, gave him my letter, and apologised for what I felt was probably an awkward meeting for him. I could tell he was holding in his emotions when he asked if this was a step I really wanted to take. I explained that I had made the decision over a long period of time and was sure it was what I wanted. I didn't explain much more, because I knew that everything I felt I needed to say was in the letter. Talking to him about it then would have put him on the spot; probably make him feel like he had to find the magic words that would fix my broken belief. He's a good guy; I didn't need to put him through that. He started to explain 'the process from here', but I stopped him to explain that actually the only part of the process that involved me was that they would send a letter later to confirm I was no longer considered a member and I was cool with that. Then I wished him and his family well and that was that.

It was so strange, driving away. In some ways this was such a small thing ~ a piece of paperwork to tie off a loose end that's been dangling for months. But in some ways it's huge. The LDS church is part of the culture I grew up in, has always been a massive part of my social network, and was a major influence in the forming of my core values. It took me a long time to stop attending, even after I felt I should (it's uncomfortable to be a non-believer in amongst all that certainty ~ I didn't realise how often it's stated/reinforced/implied/sung until I no longer felt the same) because I needed the time to say goodbye to it. I did do that, which is why I'm calm today. Way back when I first realised that I no longer believed Joseph Smith (founder) to be who he claimed to be, and knew immediately (because my mind always plays things out to their logical conclusion) that this would end with me leaving, I think I cried for about two weeks straight.

I got lucky on the way home. There was Six walking along and I offered him a ride. He didn't seem particularly surprised by my news, but then his mind was full of more pressing things. Actually I was glad to just leave it behind and focus on my conversation with him as we drove. He leads a busy life and I'm not sure how long it'll be before I catch up with him again.

To those who read this blog who are members, let me state for the record that I adore you and will still be happy to read about your church adventures and milestones and will never think you are silly to be LDS. This decision is not about me rejecting everything I ever learned at church. Maybe I would feel differently if my church experience had been more negative (and I acknowledge that for some there is a lot to be bitter about) but I was actually pretty lucky in the people I knew and worked with at church. I had amazing teachers who loved me unconditionally back when I was (I'm fairly sure) a complete snot. I still have wonderful church friends, some of whom I've known since my early teens.

I was actually warned that my family and friends might disown me if I left the church (by someone it happened to). My mother (the only active member in my family) and every friend I've told so far all reacted the same way ~ they were surprised/shocked, they told me that they would respect the decision (even if they felt it was a sad thing) and then we moved on. I'm sure at some point someone will react poorly and tell me it's a huge mistake or that I'm going to hell or something, but as long as my close friends and family are cool about it, I don't really care what anyone else says. I even had a few friends respond by telling me that they were also not attending church, or were experiencing serious doubts or, in one case, were also planning to leave. That was a surprise, but interesting.

And life travels on.

**(0:48-0:53 a reference Six will understand if I end up sending him a link to this post. :))

number nine...number nine

2009-09-09T09:09:00.001+10:00

Turn me on dead man. (That's what it says when you play it backwards.)

Okay so, in no particular order, nine things I'm grateful for at 9:09 on 09/09/09:

- the upcoming work conference that will allow me to visit my lovely friends in Brisbane for free
- friends who turn me onto excellent songs/bands
- the Guild. Geeky goodness for gamers. Actually gamewise I prefer Duke Nukem to World of Warcraft, but luckily a guy at work has ~~overwhelmed me into a glazed stupor~~ helpfully supplied me with WoW game information I have no use for but which now means I understand pretty much every game reference in the show.
- writing group, writing prompts, words in general
- current homestay student. Blueberry Boy is nice, independent, has a good sense of humour, can feed himself if left alone, occasionally cooks Japanese food for me too. Like tonight. Just a pleasure to live with and staying eight months...bonus!
- Youtube.
- People who take the time to provide English subtitles for the Japanese, German and Catalan stuff I like watching. (Anyone ever notice that gay couples in soap operas are not constantly cheating on each other like most soapie couples seem compelled to do? I think it's because the characters are less common and there's pressure from the fans to portray them well and in functional relationships. Anyway, makes for excellent, not-tearing-one's-hair-out viewing. Brooke Logan-Forrester-Marone is so ridiculous I want to break things when she's on the screen and it's been at least ten years since I watched an episode of that soap.)
- So You Think You Can Dance? US, Canada and Australia. That show has attracted some fantastic, creative choreographers.
- my new Doc Marten shoes

I wonder what this list will look like by 10/10/10...

and canberra gets even more boring...

2009-08-26T02:24:00.002+10:00

Canberrans will no longer be able to enjoy fireworks over the Queen's Birthday long weekend. Industrial Relations Minister John Hargreaves today announced the permanent ban on the importation, sale and use of fireworks in the ACT.

We got two evenings, from 5-9pm over one long weekend, in the middle of Canberra's soul-sucking winter, to buy and use fireworks. It was something actually cool about Canberra, because fireworks are illegal everywhere else in Oz. Now I'll have to wait for my next trip to Japan to play with fireworks. :(

"The Government understands that many Canberrans will still have fireworks that were bought legally on previous Queen's Birthday long weekend. We will be encouraging people to do the right thing and hand in any stored fireworks for safe disposal without any questions asked."

Yeah. That's going to happen.

blonde jokes are usually kinda silly

2009-08-25T14:17:00.001+10:00

But this one made me laugh. :)

THE BLONDE WHO MARRIED A CATHOLIC

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, 'It's Lent'.

In tears, she sobbed, 'That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?'

ink notes #2: the tipping point

2009-08-08T15:22:00.004+10:00

Here's my entry for ink notes #2.

This was the music prompt. Go here if you want all the info on how the challege works. If you like writing - poetry, short fiction, whatever - come on in, the water's fine. :) I'm actually a bit late with this one, so here's the link to the current challenge. My entry for that will be along shortly.

The Tipping Point

Gio crept into the house, cursing silently at the huge click as he shut the door. What was the opposite of ‘ninja’? This was the craziest damn plan now that he was putting it into action, but when she had given him that soft, hopeful look in the car it had felt like the only possible course. Just thinking about her now he could feel his heartbeat slowing. She calmed him, that sweet brown-haired girl.

He moved easily down the empty, carpeted hallway. No toys left out from play, no small, haphazard shoes sprawled across Janine’s perfect space. She had no tolerance for such things. God she could be cold. It firmed his resolve, pushed him past her sleeping form in their bed and on to the waiting chest of drawers.

It didn’t take him long to fill the overnight bag. He couldn’t tell in the dark what matched and didn’t, but Bron didn’t care what he wore anyway. He risked another minute of potential discovery sneaking into the en suite for a few toiletries; even managed one of the pillows from his side of the bed. Janine muttered a little in her sleep, but didn’t wake. He left as stealthily as he’d come, but the air tasted like freedom when the door clicked again with him outside and walking away.

Thirty minutes later they were on the Kings Highway heading East with a full tank and way too many snacks. They’d gotten Bron’s gear earlier before the stealth mission to his place. She was singing along with the radio, mostly getting the words wrong but her voice was pretty. Goofy girl. She’d changed everything – everything – and she didn’t even know it. He could see her eyes were heavy with not enough sleep and he reached into the back seat for the pillow.

‘Tuck it between you and the window. I know it’s awkward with your seatbelt on, but if you put the seat back a little you might get comfy enough to sleep.’

As she shifted around, still singing softly, he tried to focus on the road. In the back of his mind the realisation of what had really just happened was building with each extra kilometre he put between himself and Janine. By the time he hit Braidwood he knew for sure that the next time he went back to the house it would be to collect the rest of his things. He’d left his wife tonight. He couldn’t quite take it in, but looking over at his daughter sleeping in the seat next to him, he couldn’t regret it either.

When Bronwyn’s mother had found him, let him know that he had a six year old, Janine had accepted it…but not gracefully. She didn’t want her in their house. He could be a father if he wanted to, as long as it didn’t impact on her orderly life.

Bron stirred, stared out into the darkness still half asleep. ‘Daddy, are there really going to be kangaroos right on the beach?’

He grinned. This was the tale of wonder that had them both begging her mother to let them take off on this crazy midnight run to the coast; the roos that came in droves down to Pebbly Beach in the early morning.

‘There really are. I called ahead and they’re all quite eager to meet you.’

She giggled sleepily. ‘Kangaroos don’t have phones.’

No, he thought, but I have you. The fallout I’ll deal with later.

surrender, to the meme

2009-07-31T18:54:00.007+10:00

This fun little meme comes via Amanda.

Introducing my new book cover! (Fake, of course...) Make your own, using the following directions:

1 – Go to “Fake Name Generator” or click http://www.fakenamegenerator.com/
The name that appears is your author name.

2 – Go to “Random Word Generator” or click http://www.websitestyle.com/parser/randomword.shtml
The word listed under “Random Verb” is your title.

3 – Go to “FlickrCC” or click http://flickrcc.bluemountains.net/index.php
Type your title into the search box. The first photo that contains a person is your cover.

4 – Use Photoshop, Picnik, or similar to put it all together. Be sure to crop and/or zoom in.

5 – Post it to your site along with this text.

I like this picture and I liked finding out about Picnik, which I'll be using again. The word 'surrender' was already on the picture. I just cropped, recoloured slightly, and added the name. I'm glad that was the first pic with a person in it, as the second was soldiers. I'm not sure it came out as cool as my fake album cover, but interesting nonetheless.

8 out of 10 cats ~ woohoo!

2009-07-27T21:01:00.005+10:00

Joy, oh joy, 8 out of 10 cats is back. I couldn't find any reference to the new season and then suddenly I'm checking again and finding eight belly-laugh-worthy episodes waiting for me. Woohoo! I could use a good cackle.

(Remember to read these out loud in a British accent. It's better.)

Jimmy on Susan Boyle:
Yes this is the story that Susan Boyle came second in Britain's Got Talent. Or, as the Daily Mail reported it: a 48-year-old woman has been beaten by 11 youths from East London. There were 19 million witnesses and no-one's come forward: BROKEN BRITAIN!

Jack Whitehall on the British government expenses scam:
It did go properly extreme, though. When I opened the newspaper and read about the guy that claimed for a moat I thought, you better be the MP for Camelot!

Sean Locke on the same:
That duck island really annoyed me. I'll tell you why. Because it was a floating island. So that's not an island - it's a boat! Ducks don't need a boat - they can swim. That's like giving a ladder to a magpie!

Alex Zane on Obama's visit to the Middle East/Egypt:
He got a standing ovation at the University of Cairo and everyone's like, that was fantastic. But it was a university. It's not hard to get a standing ovation at a university. I got a standing ovation when I was at university for drinking a pint of vodka from a tennis shoe.

Jimmy Carr on the same:
Obama has pledged financial support for Egypt. I'm worried about where that money's going - it could be some kind of pyramid scheme.

gaiman and mckean on quay and svankmajer

2009-07-23T23:32:00.001+10:00

Random quirk like this just makes me happy.

two things a tattoo told me

2009-07-18T13:10:00.007+10:00

I just saw this tattoo on the contrariwise blog (tattoos inspired by literature, song, etc) and I think my first response is a bit telling.

1. It bothered me that the line was straight instead of following the natural line of the arch of the foot. Aesthetically it's not as pleasing, but it also feels like they've tried to impose something rigid onto something free and flexible. Seems a shame given that the words themselves suggest a freedom to live as you choose without judgment or constraint.

2. It also bothered me (way more than it probably should have) that there is no full stop on the end of the sentence. For me to have it written without one, I would have had to make the first letter lower case.

It's a strange thing about rules when it comes to language. It's not just a matter of obeying the rules and I'm aware that language changes and develops over the years. But I really like the sense of order and 'rightness' that comes from grammar, spelling and punctuation rules. So much so in fact that 'correct' language that conforms to those rules is actually more beautiful to me.

It's the same feeling I get from using traditional poetic forms. I like free verse, I often use it myself, but sometimes when I force myself to be creative within a strict traditional form with a set rhyming scheme or other limitations, what I produce is so much better ~ more musical, more satifying to read aloud. The ideas have more clarity and the thing as a whole is more beautiful to me.

Does anyone else find that? Not just with writing, but any art form? Also, if you were going to get a 'literary' tattoo, whch line/s would you choose and why?

holy approaching wall of water, batman!

2009-07-15T22:38:00.007+10:00

This would definitely be the first time I've ever been glad I don't live on the coast. Twitter is already alive with people wanting to go 'catch a wave'. Good grief.

NATIONAL TSUNAMI WARNING SUMMARY FOR AUSTRALIA NUMBER 2
Issued by the Joint Australian Tsunami Warning Centre (JATWC) at
09:27 PM EST on Wednesday 15 July 2009
***************************************
TSUNAMI SOURCE:
An undersea earthquake of magnitude 7.9 has occurred at 07:22 PM EST on
Wednesday 15 July 2009 at 45.960S , 166.470E off W. COAST OF S. ISLAND, N.Z.
Sea level observations have confirmed a tsunami has been generated.
***************************************
ADVICE:
People in areas with threat of land inundation and flooding are strongly advised by emergency authorities to go to higher ground or at least one kilometre inland.

surreal and funny harry potter conversation

2009-07-15T13:16:00.015+10:00

##SPOILER ALERT##

Harry Potter books 6 and 7.

##SPOILER ALERT##

So Band Boy (who used to be Drummer Boy but sings and plays guitar now (18-year-old)) finally got around to reading the sixth book in the Harry Potter series, finishing a couple of days ago just in time to see the movie premiere (in just under five hours, yah). Last night we were talking about watching the trailer and seeing that one moment (1:53 in this linked video) where Snape says 'it is over' and feeling overwhelmed by the fact that this is the moment when he kills Dumbledore.

Now here's the thing. I'VE read the 7th book and I know that what Snape is doing there is heroic and painful and beautiful. However, Band Boy HASN'T read the 7th book and is under the impression that he has just read the big Snape revelation, the proof (FINALLY!) that Snape is eeeeevilllll.

So for the next ten minutes I'm having a conversation with him, trying to be as empassioned as he is about the fact that AFTER ALL DUMBLEDORE HAS DONE for Snape, after he SUPPORTED him when SO MANY PEOPLE said that he was still a death-eater and couldn't be trusted, that RAT BASTARD killed him!! And how this is the end of the (Harry Potter) world as we know it. And asking HOW HOW HOW could Dumbledore have BELIEVED him for ALL THOSE YEARS?

hehehehe

He is so going to want to kill me when he reads the 7th book. But I remember that moment of devastation on that balcony o' death when I was reading the 6th book, and I'm not going to take that away from him. It's a heart-wrenching scene, but it's also fantastic writing. And thank goodness they cast Alan Rickman as Snape.

Oh and can I just say how thrilled I am that Lupin's back again, and with David Thewlis still in the part. He's one of the reasons the third movie is still my favourite. I'll let you know if that changes after tonight. :)

ink notes #1

2009-07-13T23:06:00.000+10:00

Amanda has posted details for the first Ink Notes challenge. The idea is to use music as a writing prompt: to listen to a song or instrumental piece and see what inspiration comes. The embedded video is the music she chose this time. If you'd like to participate there's still plenty of time as Amanda's allowing two weeks for people to blog their writing (story, poem, non-fiction, whatever) and provide a link to it at the bottom of her post.

My story follows after the video. I wrote it with the music playing and you might like to read it the same way. It was a pretty fun exercise. If you have a writerly bent I hope you'll give it a shot.

From the window

He watched her from the window, sitting to the side where the curtain hid him from view. She was kneeling next to one of the beds in the vegetable garden. Her fingers, pale and exact, reached into the rows of young vegetables to pull each unwelcome weed from the soil. Methodically she made her way across and down the bed, shifting sideways on her knees from time to time.

He tried to mentally record it all: the turn of her wrist as she threw each weed onto a growing pile, the curve of her shoulders and back as she leaned to reach the far side of the garden bed, the exact nut-brown of her hair and the tortoiseshell clip that held it tightly so it wouldn’t fall into her eyes as she worked. Perhaps she wouldn’t leave while there were plants still young. He sighed. He didn’t know what would keep her here; that much was clear.

Then she was done and reaching into her bag of gardening tools for a short, thin knife. She moved to other rows, to vegetables fully grown and ready to be eaten. She studied the beds, bending to each worthy specimen – two zucchinis, four or five spring onions, a butternut pumpkin; fat roma tomatoes, basil and coriander from the herb bed to the side. She turned with hands full towards the door that led to their kitchen, but then stopped.

A moment passed before she made her way instead to the outside tap. He had to lean into the window to see her hands under the rushing water. She lifted each part of her harvest to the flow, then shook off the water and placed it in a cotton carry-bag. So she wouldn’t be home tonight. Again. He wondered briefly what dish she would make with them. She was the gardener, the vegetables were hers. But he had often turned the soil for her back when they could not stand a whole afternoon apart and he still felt a pang as she placed the bag of produce into the basket of her bicycle.

As she led the bicycle out to the driveway, he pressed his fingertips against the cold glass. Even if he knocked now she wouldn’t hear him. She was already too far away.

meme for grownups

2009-07-06T23:18:00.001+10:00

Here’s a meme aimed at grown-ups via Sean from Alone and Unobserved. If you’re a grownup, and you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged. If not, seek your parents' permission first.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Electricity bill, especially in Winter.

2. Do you miss being a child?
I miss the stuff I did as a child, like playing in a treehouse or riding my little orange two-wheeler with no hands or exploring the dump and other places I wasn't allowed to go. I miss having so much time to read. I miss that feeling of really believing that your dad was magical and knew everything. There's also a mountain of stuff I don't miss and wouldn't want to return to.

3. Chore you hate the most?
Vacuuming.

4. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
At the guy's house, roughly oooooh, a million years ago? This question just makes me sad. :)

5. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I would learn a lot earlier how to be responsible with money.

6. Name of your first grade teacher?
Miss Tucker. Nice lady.

7. What do you really want to be doing right now?
I'd like to be working on a t-shirt design, but can't find the cable that connects the camera to the computer to upload the photo I took to use as a tracing image.

8. What did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be a teacher, but I honestly think that was a lack of imagination on my part. I didn't have a lot of life experience beyond school and so I conjured up a career that exists in school. Of course I have now actually been a teacher in a high school (in Japan) and loved every minute of it. I know now that (if I could be bothered getting the extra qualification) I could be a teacher and like it, but I really don't think as a kid that I had a clear picture of the job to judge it by.

9. How many colleges did you attend?
Two for my degree and one more right now.

10. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
Because it's warm, purple and looks good with these jeans.

11. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
They're high, but I work less than ten minutes from my house, so I tend to not care too much in terms of paying those prices. I will say that I don't think gas prices are a reason to go to war over oil, and that if people bought local goods and produce where possible and used public transport more often that we wouldn't need so much petrol. Also bio-fuel research and development is causing starvation and should not be vigorously pursued at this time.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Quick, snooze button!

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Remembering a nice conversation I had with someone at work earlier that day. I often replay conversations later.

14. What famous people would you like to have dinner with?
Living people? Noam Chomsky, Neil Gaiman (I was at the linked event, incidentally), John Cusack and the guys from Domoto Kyoudai (and if Shingo and Gackt come along I'm cool with that). But not all at the same dinner party.

15. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
I slightly scratched my neighbour's car last year. Apart from that any crash I've had has been someone else crashing their car into mine.

16. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
Yeah. Last time I volunteered it was doing literacy tutoring. I'm not sure what I'd do if I didn't have to work at all.

17. Get up early or sleep in?
I like to sleep in on the weekend, but on work days it just pisses me off if I wake up and realise I've slept late. I like getting to work early because I need about an hour without the phone ringing or people wanting something, just to get organised and settle into my day.

18. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Right now...maybe Stewie from Family Guy. I no longer watch the show (I hit my crass humour threshhold somewhere around season 4) but he is always hilarious. When I was a kid I really liked Birdman and the Herculoids. And Batfink. And Cool McCool. And Wylie Coyote.

19. Favorite thing to do at night?
Movies, internet, writing.

20. When did you first start feeling old?
I don't feel old. I don't even feel as old as I am (I often find myself feeling like people my own age are old-fashioned). However, I first felt like someone 'older' when I was talking to a younger friend one day about relationships (and the drama and uncertainty of relationships) and realised just how much crap I don't put myself through anymore because I have more of a sense now of who I am and what I want and where I will and won't compromise. I think I really 'grew up' the day I realised that I'm not afraid to be alone. I don't like it, but I'd rather be alone than be in a bad relationship.

21. Favorite lunch meat?
Turkey

22. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
I guess in Australia the equivalent would be Kmart or Big W? I think this would go something like cheap shirts, greeting cards, and random home stuff like door hooks or a desk lamp. There's nothing I get every time.

23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No. I think it's a commitment that can take a relationship to a whole new level. I do recognise that it doesn't suit everyone's take on romance and family, but I'm definitely into monogamy and think marriage is cool.

24. A favorite movie you wouldn’t want anyone to find out about?
I think I'd own up to pretty much any 'guilty pleasure' movie if pressed. Um...Xanadu? (No seriously.) I also really like 'Bring It On'. :)

25. What’s your favorite drink?
Nonalcoholic? Water, apple cider.
Alcoholic? Malibu (Barbados white rum, coconut flavour). I'm not much of a drinker, but I want to try tequila one day to see what all the fuss is about.

26. Who would you like to run into from high school?
Sandy, Tracey, Dagmar, Craig. Would be nice to see any of them and talk over old times.

27. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
106.3 (80s till now) 104.7 (Top 40) and Triple J (indie/alternative rock mixed in with top 40 stuff that doesn't suck) and I switch between them all the time to find songs I like.

28. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
Gossip Girl. :)

29. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Being afraid to make the first move and losing a guy as a result. (Of course he was also afraid to make the first move. We talked about it later, but by then he was dating someone else.) It was a long time ago and it would have ended, but it would have been a lot of fun while it lasted.

30. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
Yeah. He's an older guy, and quirky, but we get along pretty well.

31. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes?
No, but I did spill oil on one of the kitchen hotplates and had to pour salt on it to kill the fire. It was a bit scary actually.

32. Last book you finished reading?
'Strange Pilgrims', a book of short stories by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I read some and then put it down for a few months and only just got back to it. I'm currently reading 'Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain' by Oliver Sacks. Interesting. Hoping to squeeze in 'My Sister's Keeper' by Jodi Picoult before going to see the movie in a couple of weeks. I'm borrowing it from a friend, but she hasn't finished it yet.

33. Do you have a teddy bear?
In a box somewhere.

34. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
In my car? Camping? This is a stupid question.

35. Do you go to church?
Not for six months now.

36. How old are you?
I find it strange how reluctant I am to answer that question. In real life it doesn't bother me at all. Weird.

37. Have you ever been arrested?
Couple of times in the 80s by the fashion police. You know how it is, you're with a few friends, you get a little carried away and suddenly you're wearing an electric blue, button-down shirt with puffed sleeves and ruffles and way too much pink blush...um, yeah.

38. Have you ever attended a public protest against a major corporation or a government?
Yes. Most recently the Howard government's terrible industrial relations laws (later overturned by the new government).

39. Do you feel that your type of employment traps you or liberates you?
I work in the public service as a policy analyst. This allows me a certain amount of choice in moving between departments without losing my accumulated benefits, which is handy. The pay is decent. I like the work, but to say it liberates me is probably a bit rich. I don't feel trapped. I do sometimes feel like I get too comfortable and would have trouble going back to the private sector.

40. Is voting a duty, a privilege, a right, or an option?
A duty and a right.

41. Have you ever sat on a jury?
No.

42. Have you ever seen someone die?
Yes. I was with a friend at the hospital when her step-mother died from cancer. She just kind of slipped away.

43. Are you making any preparations for old age or for retirement?
Yes, but I'm not satisfied yet that I've done enough to avoid living in a cardboard box on the side of the road. We'll see how it goes.

44. Do you have children? Or, if not, do you wish to?
No, except the ones I borrow from time to time. I would very much like to raise kids, but I don't care if they're biologically mine or not.

45. Have you ever served in your country’s armed forces?
No. I'm not sure why (because I've always been pretty coordinated when it comes to sport and such) but I have this ominous feeling that I'd end up shooting myself in the foot, or blowing up the wrong building or something equally counter-productive and unsoldierlike.

46. How is your relationship with your parents different from what it was when you were a child?
When I was a kid I worshipped my dad and resented my mother (because she was the one trying to raise me properly and he spoiled me). As an adult I respect my mother and really enjoy her company. My dad is not a bad person, but he is flawed in ways that make it hard for me to be around him for long periods of time. Sometimes we get along really well, but it never lasts.

47. Have you ever had a substantial conversation with a homeless person?
Yes, but not very often.

48. If life is “a journey”, then where are you going?
I honestly don't know. I feel a strong need to establish some security for myself and I suppose that's the destination I'm seeking financially. In terms of me as a person I care less about where I'm going than about what happens along the way. I don't think I'm ever going to do anything really profound, but if I can have a positive impact on the lives of people I meet and interact with, I think I'm okay with that.

the bitch is...well, a little over-rated actually

2009-07-06T11:11:00.009+10:00

I'd forgotten this story. I like this version because it's not all 'Christianed up' like the version you mostly see floating on the interwebs.

An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice, "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.

But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.

But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger,for his anger will change nothing. Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."

The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?" The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."

Obvious really, but it doesn't stop people from feeding their anger and negativity until it consumes their better self.

I think I do this sometimes and it's just wasted energy. Recently I started working with a guy that is always calm. At first I found this kind of annoying, actually, because I mistook it for a lack of passion about things that matter. But as I've gotten to know him over the last few months I've realised that he doesn't lack feeling; it's more that if anger isn't going to change anything, he will only give limited energy to it. He is, however, quite insightful when it comes to solutions, and I think this is a result of him being calm enough to really apply his rationality to a problem.

This is a workplace. Things go wrong and management occasionally suck and there are any number of people ready to bitch about it. It's actually kind of nice to work with someone who doesn't always need to vent, even if this does throw my own impatience or irritation into sharper relief (embarrassing!) in the process. Maybe I'll become more zen as a result.

buffy vs edward

2009-07-02T12:20:00.001+10:00

Attention Buffy & Twilight fans!!! This is easily the coolest pop culture vampire-related thing I've seen in months:

Beats all the fake New Moon trailers for sure. Must have taken ages to put together.

woohoo...sort of

2009-06-29T02:48:00.006+10:00

The good news:

Thank you for your submission to FIRST 2009 [university anthology]. We received almost 200 pieces [around 35 make it in], the overall standard of which was impressive. We are very pleased to advise that your work Friends is under consideration for possible inclusion in this year's publication...

The bad news:

pending approval after some reworking.

I got the 'suggested edits' later that week and they basically gutted it. I sent a rework that incorporates most of their suggestions, but argues against a couple that I thought were a bad idea. If they're only interested in it with all the changes made then I'll pass. In that state it isn't the poem I wrote and I wouldn't want my name on it. But I can live with the rework I sent them.

In truth it changes what the poem is about; what I was trying to express when I wrote it. For that reason it's a little bitter sweet that it will be published in that form. I can't post the poem here as it has to remain unpublished until the anthology is released, but maybe at that time I'll post all three versions and you can tell me if you think their revisions were on the mark or not.

The other interesting thing is that I submitted five pieces (two poems and three stories) and the only one that made it in is also the only one that was created from a real personal experience. Unfortunately this means I should probably tell the other person concerned before the anthology is published. I didn't think there was any point in doing so before, because I didn't know if it would be accepted anyway. Telling him then might have given the impression that the poem was supposed to deliver some kind of message to him, but in fact the poem was not written for, or in any practical sense directed at, him. It was just my way of expressing for my own sake how I felt at the time.

Of course now it's six months later and my feelings are completely different, so it will be a bit weird to bring it up. But I do still like the poem and I'm happy for it to be in the anthology, even if the committee's edits have made the whole 'finally getting published' thing a bit anti-climatic. But you know, yah and all. :)

wish i'd been there

2009-06-04T11:51:00.001+10:00

This is definitely my favourite Not Always Right post so far this year:

Pointless Paranoia, Meet Pistol Packin’
Movie Theater Rochester, NY, USA
(A young man asks for a ticket for an R-rated movie and hands me his ID. I’m about to sell him the ticket when the lady behind him speaks up.)

Lady: “Wait! That picture in the ID doesn’t look like him at all!”
(I look at the ID. It appears he’s been sick since the photo was taken, but it’s clearly the same guy.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m fairly certain that this is the correct ID. Now, if you’d just step up–”

Lady: “No! You can’t sell to someone with a fake ID. He could be a terrorist, for God’s sake! You should call the police!”

Me: “Ma’am, that is definitely not necessary. I am responsible for checking identification, and I–”
Lady: “I need to talk to your manager!”
(I begin to respond, but the guy politely waves me off and turns to the woman.)

Man: “Miss, I have another photo ID here, with a more recent picture. Do you think this matches?”
(He pulls a card out of his wallet and hands it to her. She goes completely white.)

Lady: “Well… um… yes, that’s, uh, fine!”
(She squirms for a moment, then exclaims, “I’ll be right back!” She drops the card and leaves the theater in a hurry. I give the guy his ticket.)

Me: “What was that you showed her?”

Man: “Oh, my handgun permit.”

in honour of the release

2009-06-02T14:00:00.001+10:00

...of the New Moon trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXuN8hkQ0sU

I give you Meyer revenge...xkcd-style:

I wish Stephenie Meyer was actually that cool.

blow-by-blow of the weekend

2009-05-31T23:32:00.008+10:00

Friday night I saw Ghosts of Girlfriend's Past. The first half is quite funny, but the second errs on the side of sappiness. Still, better overall compared to my expectations on seeing the trailer. (Not however, inspiring enough for me to do a movie review.)

Saturday I hit the road in the new jalopy to head for Sydney for Good News Week and a catch-up with my ex-housemate, Phi. His girlfriend Hadid, who I met for the first time this weekend, is lovely. Seriously. I like her by herself and I like them together. I'm looking forward to going back and catching up sometime in a place where we can actually hear each other (restaurant was a bit noisy). It was good to catch up with Phi after so many months and see him in such a good place in his life.

As a whole the roadtrip was great, though being gridlocked in a multi-storey carpark for almost an hour is not on my list of things to do again. In fact it made me so late for the show that I didn't get in for the audience. (NB: the reason for the trip...aargh!!!) However, thanks to the kindness of no-longer-strangers I instead got to watch the show from the Greenroom backstage and therefore to also say a quick hello to the people on the show before I left. Nice. :) Still would have preferred to be in the audience with my friends, but not a bad second best.

I learned a lot about driving in Sydney, including how to get back if you accidentally get onto the road that takes you across the Sydney Harbour Bridge...oops. The car ran beautifully. Riding with Blueberry Boy (new Japanese homestay student, 21-years-old, been here a month, very carpe diem attitude, loves blueberries) was good - very easy and relaxed - but I'm really looking forward to the roadtrip back to Sydney with Dancer Boy in two weeks to see P!nk. My sister is going to the same concert so we'll be having dinner with her before the show. I seriously love having a car that I can go to Sydney (or the coast, or the snow if I use chains) in. Been a long time coming.

Speaking of DB, he had an informal performance last night to end the dance workshop he's been doing for the last few weeks. I went with his 'rents to watch. It was pretty low key, but I always enjoy seeing how his dancing's improving. There's only so much he can show me in my kitchen. :)

And that was my weekend. Hope yours was good, too!

Normal: movie review

2009-05-29T02:58:00.004+10:00

I just watched the movie Normal. It's a movie about a transexual person (male to female), Roy/Ruth shown from the time she first explains her gender identity disorder to her wife (just after their 25th wedding anniversary) and over the next year as she transitions in preparation for reassignment surgery. In some ways I found the movie very predictable, not so much because it was really, but moreso because over the last year I've learned so much about this topic that I knew the kinds of steps she would go through and could predict some of the emotional processes her family would go through, too. Still, the final outcome was always a little uncertain, so the movie wasn't boring just because I was familiar with the topic.

There are a number of things I liked about this movie. Tom Wilkinson as Roy/Ruth is in appearance about as 'typical middle-aged American male' as you can get. I liked that there was no real attempt made to cast a man who could easily 'pass' as female. I found this made Ruth's reality so much more honest and straightforward. Her transition was never about the task of convincing anyone else that she was a woman, but rather about acknowledging what she felt and needed to do to feel right in herself.

There is a poignant moment early on where she puts on a simple pair of gold clip-on earrings she found in a thrift store. As she looks in the mirror the person she sees is masculine in appearance - the hair is not styled, the clothes are mens, she's wearing no makeup. But she stares at her image with the earrings on and there's a subtle but obvious lifting of the spirit. Later (after an adverse reaction to 'Roy' wearing the earrings to work) she explains simply that they made her feel pretty. It's so simple, but Wilkinson acts it just right. Jessica Lange is equally good throughout the film as Roy's wife.

There's also a scene between Ruth and her son (for anyone who's seen the movie, the moment on the stairs) who is not coping with the transition well, that made me cry at such a great outpouring of honest emotion. Each person had their own issues to deal with as how they perceived Roy as their husband or father changed in order for them to understand Ruth and how she was (and wasn't) the same person as before.

Normal isn't a perfect movie. It's trying to cover a huge topic in a small amount of time and some things are done very well, and others in a more superficial manner and that can't really be helped. But it showed the complexity of human relationships in relation to transition without trying to have (or provide) all the answers. I hadn't heard of it before this week and I'm glad I happened upon it. I agree with the Amazon.com review which said:

Normal explores Roy's gender dysphoria with empathy, but also has an eye for the social and familial absurdities that come up. The humor, far from trivializing the issue, steers it away from cloying sentiment or politically correct sanctimony. The movie captures the confusion of Roy's friends and coworkers with realism and without judgment, and the stressful changes of Roy and Irma's relationship aren't sugarcoated or made into a moral lesson.

Good movie.

5 things that have happened since I last blogged

2009-05-26T19:32:00.004+10:00

1. I bought a car. My old one has been on the way out for some time and I've been driving it (oh so gingerly) with dogdy, grinding brakes and the engine stalling at every traffic light.

2. I won a camcorder and a camera (thank you Hoyts cinemas), the latter which I will use to show you my new car once I get it charged up (the camera, not the car). The cool thing is that it's an SLR camera, so maybe I can finally do a proper photography course.

3. My best friend at work moved back to Victoria. That was sad. On the bright side I do get to catch up with him sometimes as I work in Melbourne about once a month lately. Also I think he'll be happier there because he's training for a new job he likes and is now located in the same city as his (really nice) girlfriend.

4. Work has stepped up a notch. I'm much busier than before, but with interesting stuff. I also went up a pay increment which means a small pay rise. A promotion would be better.

5. I got into Twitter. I'm already defriending people who twit every ten minutes, but generally my favourite thing is watching people I like, like Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean, or Rove and P!nk twitter between themselves. I also love the fact that when I'm right in the middle of something great/terrible/annoying/boring I can send a twit from my phone. Like sending out a message in a tiny bottle from whatever deserted island I'm on. And it appears on the sidebar of my blog, too, which was my original reason for signing up.

So it goes. Now, how's life with everyone else?

look! it's a puppy nightlight

2009-04-27T11:56:00.007+10:00

Glowing puppies.

Seriously, I get that this comes from some sea anemone, but I'm not sure I want a pet that appears to be radioactive.

If I'm going to go for a nightlight pet, I'd rather have Sheldon's fish:

not for the reason you think, christian lander

2009-04-24T11:58:00.012+10:00

He's always calling me correctly, but I get out of this one, because even though I am technically a white person who loves Bob Marley, I am also Bajan and quite rightfully love most West Indian music. And Marley did make some amazing music.

In other news, I must really love the Dancer Boy, because I've just spent way too much money to buy a Beyonce ticket so he doesn't have to go to the concert by himself (his friends don't have the money). It's not like I hate her music or anything ~ and she's the kind of artist who pulls out all the bells and whistles for an arena concert ~ but it's unlikely I would have seen her in concert if there were no obsessed 14-year-old desperate to be there (tragically he knows the entire dance in the 'Single Ladies' music video).

What I DO get out of it is a fun roadtrip to Sydney with a kid I like and to be there when he gets to do something that he's thrilled about. It's almost a tradition ~ I've been on similar roadtrips with his brother and sister. And in the end it's only money.

Now that I come to think of it, this month the government is giving me $900 free in K-Rudd's stimulus package. I guess I'm already spreading the wealth. You're welcome, Economy!

important legal advice

2009-04-22T17:08:00.002+10:00

Email exchange between my and a friend who is not supposed to be getting personal email at work:

Chosha: Dear Friend. If I buy a manual that teaches me how to use a computer application that I use in the course of my work, but I was not required to buy it by my workplace, even though it is used to improve my work skills, is that a deductible item? And while I just happen to be writing about this very important tax-related legal question…are you up for a movie? I have a bunch of vouchers for $8 movies at Hoyts that have to be used by and looking for suitably eager moviegoers.

Friend: Dear chosha. Thankyou for the opportunity to provide advice on the deductibility of certain expenses incurred in relation to employment. Division 8 of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997 (Cth) indicates that I love seeing movies. I get into all genres and most actors (with the possible exception of Johnny Depp - am suspicious of him and his alleged 'appeal' Do you like him?). Let me know when and I'm in! A senior legal advisor has approved this advice. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you require clarification or further information.

Clearly her mistrust of Johnny Depp is misplaced, but I <3 my friends. :)

sinking in an ocean of stuff

2009-04-19T21:06:00.005+10:00

But bailing as fast as I can. Where did all this stuff come from?! I mean, I recognise it. It's not like I can claim that some clutter elf came and delivered it during the night (or the last 700 nights). But holy cow!

I have identified at least three sources of this clutter:

1. paper

This category includes paperwork not filed or thrown away, supplies for future scrapbooking (including fliers and tickets and stuff like that, and also the actual supplies for the craft part of the exercise), notebooks and other evidence of my considerable stationery addiction, and unrecorded info (addresses, recipes, hexidecimal colour codes) on pieces of paper that otherwise would have been thrown away. Etc, Etc, Etc.

2. things that I've been meaning to give to other people.

It's going to be like Christmas in April when I start dropping these things off or mailing them.

3. projects not yet completed

Occasionally projects not yet started. (Oh, the shame.) I am severely well-intentioned. I am also (apparently, according to my clutter) a procrastinator of epic proportions. Or maybe I have too many plans for my limited time. I'm sure any number of valid-sounding justifications exist.

All I know is that I am extremely glad to have this big L-shaped ex-government workstation desk of mine. This means that to the left of my computer there is a workspace. Once the declutter is complete, these projects are going to get ticked off, one by one, because I am never again going to watch TV (which I watch on my computer) without doing something off to the left.

I really need to find my camera battery charger. Or maybe it's a good thing that I can't show you this clutter. Hmmm. Anyway, I'll keep swimming. Gotta reach the shore sometime...

my melbourne trip o' laughs

2009-04-17T11:07:00.005+10:00

Every year the Melbourne International Comedy Festival brings great comedians not only to Melbourne, but also to tour other cities around the same time. It's my favourite time of year. I'm on a stricter budget just now as I'm buying a friend's car in about four weeks time, so I chose just three shows to see from the many, many available: Danny Buoy, Judith Lucy and Adam Hills (of purple balloon fame).

And then I got a call from the people at Thank God You're Here! Turns out the studio audience tickets I requested last year finally came up. TGYH is an improvisational comedy show. Each guest (mostly well-known comedians) walks into a scene, with only their costume as some sort of hint as to who they are. They need to figure out their character and respond to various prompts on the fly. To give you a taste of what the show's like here's a fabulous TGYH piece from Cal Wilson:

Well, the taping date they offered me was right in the middle of the comedy festival. So I had to see some more comedy shows, right? I mean I couldn't go to Melbourne during the festival and not see any comedy - it just wouldn't be right! So my 2009 entertainment budget suddenly expanded to include Potted Potter (fun, but more fun for kids), The Delusionists in Bunker Five (small budget production I can't recommend highly enough ~ if you're in Melbourne, check it out), Fiona McLoughlin and (drum roll please)...Janeane Garofalo (awesome).

I was in Melbourne for three days and it was so great. Carl Barron was a guest on the TGYH episode we watched, which was a treat. Brian Nankervis was the audience wrangler ~ there were lollies and juggling and jokes ~ he was great.

As a nice bonus, I met Janeane Garofalo in the park on Sunday. She was gracious about me interrupting her reading and I was pleased to hear she'd like to come back for another comedy festival. I'd definitely go see her again.
I happened to be sitting (also doing some reading) in a very quiet, blocked off Collins St when 500 or so people walking the 'Way of the Cross' for Good Friday descended in orderly fashion on their way to the next huge, old, beautiful Melbourne church on their list. At each stop they read a scripture and sang - it was quite beautiful (a fabulous tenor was leading the crowd in the hymns) and I travelled along with them for a few stops before heading into the city for lunch. Nice way to be reminded that it was Easter.

I'm determined that one year I'm going to take two weeks leave, go to Melbourne and wallow in the comedy festival goodness. It's going to happen, people. It is.

And simply for your listening pleasure, David O'Doherty on Spicks and Specks performing his song, 'Very Mild Superpowers':

atonement and reincarnation

2009-04-14T18:08:00.001+10:00

Last night I had a discussion with a friend about whether the concepts of Christian atonement and reincarnation were compatible or could be reconciled. I've always seen the whole idea of this life as a test and redemption through Christ as a one-shot deal. If reincarnation is real, I don't see a place for the atonement - at least certainly not the same sort of place it occupies if this life is our only life. My friend Tesla* (whose religious beliefs can probably best be described as 'Christian alternative') sees Jesus as having achieved perfection through the process of reincarnation, and the Atonement as an act of mercy so profound that God granted him the right to forgive sin and in essence to help us move along the path of spiritual development more quickly. We also went off on about eight or nine tangents, but I won't go there.

Now I'm not asking you what you believe exactly. But if it interests you as a debate topic, I am interested in your ideas on whether you feel the two concepts can be considered compatible. (So, in other words, even if, say, you don't believe in reincarnation, assume it's real just for the sake of the discussion. Same goes for Jesus Christ - assume he existed and performed an act of Atonement for all humankind.) This is more about the concepts than any actual spiritual belief of individuals.

Do you think that the idea of redemption through a saviour can apply to many lives as it applies in most Christian doctrine to one life? Why might that work, or not work? I have some ideas to add, but I'm curious to see if anyone else has an opinion first.

By the way, I'd planned an Easter post with a Lent recap, but it's still in draft. Stay tuned!

*I love choosing nicks for people mentioned on this blog. It's become like a tiny hobby.

2 things challenge: playful/solemn

2009-04-06T09:23:00.000+10:00

My entry for this week's 2 Things challenge:

He was a playful monkey, but this was a solemn moment.

book binge!

2009-04-03T23:43:00.006+11:00

I'm hoping MaryP is cool with me squeaking in late for her April Book Binge, because I already added the button to my sidebar. :) This is the kind of binge I should get into more often!

Here are the rules:

1. For the month of April, keep track of the books you read.

2. On May 1, post your list on your blog.

Easy, no? You can write a review or reader response if you wish, but a list of titles and authors is also perfectly acceptable.

Three other points:

1. You may include books you re-read, so long as you re-read them in between April 1 and 30.

2. You may also include books you start but don’t finish, just note the page at which you gave it up. Something like, “Quit, page 47 of 322″.

3. Children’s books must be at least 125 pages long to be counted. (Books you read to your children, if they are at least 125 pages, would also count.)

I think this is going to be fun.

no man is an island...sadly

2009-04-02T07:49:00.001+11:00

I used to be one of three people in a pod of four cubicles at work. The other two have left and been replaced by people located in Melbourne. I can't count the number of people who've commiserated with me on how 'lonely' or 'quiet' it must be. As if every person working there wouldn't want their own office if they could get it. And that being the case, why do they feel the need to have these inane conversations with me about it? Seriously, everybody commented on it as they walked past the pod for at least two weeks. Other people sit five seconds walk away! Not only that, but I am near the break room, so I see people all day long as they walk by and they often stop to chat.

Before I went to Adelaide I was told that I needed to move four pods away to sit next to Haigh (which I did yesterday). He wasn't too happy about it either, as he's had a two-cube pod to himself for a few months now, but we get along okay, so it doesn't completely suck to work next to him. But then the new round of comments began ~ people wandering by and feeling the need to express how nice it must be now, to be with everyone else and not all alone in my 'distant' pod. The truth is, the new location is a lot noisier and I have less space. I'll get used to it and soon it won't seem so busy, but again, I just don't see why they feel driven to make comments they don't even believe. We currently have two other people working in pods on their own and neither of them has given the least indication that they want to move. In the near future they'll need to, but they won't like it any more than me.

I could have it worse ~ I could be this guy (watch no.1). But it's still frustrating. Is it just that other people are more into small talk? Am I complaining about what is really just social grease? I know what they're saying is pretty harmless. Still, can't they just ask me if I've seen any good movies lately and leave it at that?

magic eye

2009-04-01T04:01:00.002+11:00

I used to love magic art pictures when they first came out. It took me forever to see a picture in them at first, but once I'd figured out the trick of it, it became easy. How about you?

Edit: Now that April Fools Day is over, I'm adding a real magic eye picture. Hey I never actually said those were magic eye pics! :)

xkcd: parking

2009-03-31T09:56:00.000+11:00

I wish I could have been one of these bystanders (mentioned in the rollover text). That would have been a day not easily forgotten.

Oh, and this video has been posted twenty other places, but just in case you haven't yet seen it, here is Oren Lavie's video for his song 'Her Morning Elegance'. It's wonderful.

inflatable

2009-03-30T11:42:00.003+11:00

Saturday night I saw Adam Hills' new stand up show, Inflatable. His comedy is so positive: builds people up rather than tearing them down; laughing with them, not at them. I can appreciate the snarky stuff, but it's nice to take a break from it, too.

I was five minutes late and yes, paid for it (as always with a comedy show) but he didn't give us too hard a time. And I had just gotten back from Adelaide. A friend picked me up from the airport and then I drove back into the city so I had a way to get home. The person I went with lives on the other side of the city to me so we met there rather than travelling together.

I stayed around to say 'hi' after the show and got an enormous purple helium-filled balloon for my troubles (about 20 of them decorated the stage). I almost couldn't squeeze it into the back seat of the car. It's now happying up one corner of the dining room. While we were still at the venue one balloon escaped its owner and was hovering with its string just out of reach, so Adam retrieved it. I don't usually remember particularly that he has an artificial right foot, but it certainly came to mind as I watched him nimbly hop onto another guy's shoulders so he could reach the balloon string. He wanted to hop onto a cocktail table at first, but the venue staff weren't having that. ^_^ (Another few funny stories about his foot.)

you can't go home

2009-03-28T10:04:00.001+11:00

At least you can't go home and expect everything to be as you remember it, which is the real point of that saying. Things change, people move in and out, children get older, businesses close.

But in spite of all this (and sometimes because of it) it has been so, so wonderful to be home this last week. In Canberra I'm often looking around for people who want to go out, see a show, etc. I've made friends there but everyone is busy with work and family. But in Adelaide there are friends that consider me family. I feel so freaking loved here. If I could get a similar job as the one I do in Canberra I'd seriously consider moving back.

But for now I'm packing to head back. I've got to pick up some froggy cakes ~ the best Adelaide おみやげ ~ on the way to the airport. Tonight I'm going with a(n Adelaide) friend to see Adam Hills at the Canberra Theatre. Tomorrow is writing group. Life in the cold capital isn't all bad. :)

theories in parenting

2009-03-27T08:11:00.003+11:00

If you think that non-parents have no right to discuss parenting, stop reading now. Come back when I'm writing about something else. Because today I'm boldly telling parents something I think is important. And that fact that most of the parents that regularly read this blog probably aren't the ones that need this advice is neither here nor there. I feel the need to say it, especially because offline I usually have to bite my tongue while watching people destroy their children's lives. On the blog I get to be Ranty McRanty. So here we go...

While reading the comments on this post from Nemesis several days ago, I was thinking about the question posed to Audra - how do you get your kids not to be picky eaters? Now while Audra had some excellent gameplay tactics to suggest, there's an underlying principle she's employing that I think any parent (or child carer) needs to learn and stick to. So, as a person without kids but who has helped raise many, let me just say: be consistent.

It's that simple and that not-simple-at-all. Because the theory of being consistent anyone can understand and agree with - you are providing structure that your child can recognise and rely upon ~ but practicing that principle is challenging.

Tips and theories on being consistent

1. Don't change the rules according to your mood. A kid shouldn't be let off with a warning for not completing their chores one week and then grounded for not doing them the next, just because the first time you had a great day at work and the second time you just got a parking fine.

2. Be fair, be reasonable. Kids can handle boundaries and rules and responsibilities that are fair and reasonable. I'm not saying the child needs to believe at that time that everything you consistentently expect of them is fair (they often won't). I'm saying make sure yourself that what you ask is fair, so that you can confidently enforce and explain the rules you create.

For example, say you have a rule that everyone has to take a turn washing dishes (from a certain age) . The concept behind this is that in a family everyone (regardless of work, school, interests, sport or social commitments) needs to contribute to the running of the household. (It also teaches kids how to be adults that other people can bear to live with, but anyway...) So when one kid argues that his younger sister should do the dishes more often because he gets more homework than she does, you immediately know that his logic isn't sound, because there are certain basic responsibilities in life that can't be shunned, and (non-monetary) contribution to the home you live in is one of them.

3. An exception to the rule should be, well, an exception. If this is the fifth time this month that you've made 'an' exception, then newsflash ~ you're just being inconsistent. And a pushover. Which brings me to my next point.

4. Understand that children are GIFTED when it comes to emotional manipulation. This is not, I repeat NOT, because children are evil. They learn to be emotionally manipulative when they are babies, because this is how babies SURVIVE. They can't walk to you or explain what's wrong, so they cry to bring you to them and to prompt you to find out what they need. They have to do this. But as children become older they should learn that manipulating people emotionally is no longer okay, especially when they are not in need, but simply want something.

All a child knows is that it works, until you make it clear that it doesn't. This is your job, not theirs. A child, especially a small child, can't learn this by themselves, because this is a survival skill that, for a good portion of their existence, was the right and appropriate way to act. Which is why you, as the parent:

1. should see it for what it is (and what it isn't), and

2. must never, ever...did I say it enough?...ever, give in to it. The pleading puppy-dog eyes, the sudden tears, the begging, the 'please, please, please,' the 'but I love you daddy', the feigned (and even the real) anger, the 'I hate you' (they never do), the 'you're mean', the bargaining, the silent treatment, the sulking. These are tools of their trade and if you let them use those, they will never pick up new tools and try them out and build their new skills.

What new skills, you ask? Negotiation, communication, reasoning, accountability, understanding of action and consequence, patience, moderation, courtesy. All that good stuff you hope they will acquire by the time they are happy, responsible adults. It doesn't happen by accident and it is a thousand times easier to learn when you are young.

5. When they succeed at learning new and better ways to earn or negotiate the things they want, reward them with trust and freedoms. Don't make rules their prison. Pair the rules and responsibilities that can't be broken or forgotten with freedoms they can exercise. There are a myriad of choices they should be able to make for themselves throughout their lives - hobbies, jewellery, most fashion, part-time jobs, educational choices, careers, (non-druggie, non-gang member) friends. Reward responsible behaviour with trust and don't apologise for withdrawing your trust if they act in ways that mean you can no longer extend it - this applies at any age. But generally, recognise when they are old enough to take on certain choices for themselves. Some parents are so risk averse that they use arbitrary rules to keep their kids from imagined (and even real, but limited) dangers. That can't happen forever. Risks are how we learn. But this is sounding like a new topic, so...

6. Lastly, your kids don't hate you, and get enough sleep. No really, no matter how vehemently they say it, it's not true, and you have to be able to hear it and not be gutted, and not change your mind. Because they don't mean it, even if they sound convincing, even if they think they mean it at that moment. They love you, so much you can't conceive it. I know. I'm the aunt. I'm the babysitter. I'm the teacher. They tell me stuff like that, sometimes in words, sometimes in artwork, sometimes in actions. They reveal it even when they are mad at you. They love you. Trust me on this.

And get enough sleep. Everything I've just climbed onto my soapbox to declare is way, way more difficult to do if you are tired. That's when people give in to nagging. That's when they are led by their moods. That's when they forget why it was they made these rules in the first place. Every single parent I know who is bossed around and harrassed by their kids got to that place via two (sometimes intersecting) paths: they were either two tired to be consistent, or they just couldn't bear for their kids to not like them. Do your kids a massive favour and deal with it. It's fantastic if you can establish a strong friendship with your kids, but in the end you are their parent, and you will always have to make decisions that friends never have to make. So make them. And find a way to get enough sleep.

Ranty McRanty, signing off. Future 'stuff parents need to know' post titles will include:

~ It doesn't matter what colour their hair is.
~ Why you need a lock on your bedroom door.
~ Stop teaching girls that being cute is more important that being smart and strong.
and
~ Those cigarettes are ALWAYS theirs, no matter what they claim.

the illusion of intimacy

2009-03-26T11:22:00.003+11:00

Celebrity is a strange business. There's such a false sense that you know a person, when really all you know is photographs or trivia or some story they chose to share with Letterman. I always enjoy the Inside the Actors Studio interviews, because it's often obvious that James Lipton's research has rooted out some things the actor didn't expect, but even then we're hearing the response they choose to give.

The first time I felt this false sense of closeness to a celebrity was when I was fourteen years old and thought I knew everything about David Bowie. I found it amusing that he and his (first) wife had met because they were dating the same guy. I was fascinated that he only slept four hours a night, and I read his lyrics like I was reading his diary and felt like I understood him (which if you've read his early lyrics is a testimony to the depth of the teenage imagination - I'd be surprised if even Bowie knew what they all meant: "I got eyes in my backside. That see electric tomatoes. On credit card rye bread.")

From then to now there have probably been less than half a dozen celebrities I thought I understood or knew this way. This is probably because I'm rarely sufficiently interested in a person's work to launch into the intensive waste of time that is researching the details of a celebrity's life. Most recently I feel this false closeness to Neil Gaiman, as evidenced I'm sure many times in this blog. But Neil makes it easy. At readings he is generous with anecdotes and almost every day on his blog he shares details of how his work in progressing, significant events in his personal life and great stories of other artists and others he has been lucky enough to work with or meet. The fact that I've watched many, many interviews with him on Youtube also helps. He's an entertaining person who's had an interesting life ~ not a boring E! special life with riches and burnouts: a real life full of creative work and family he loves.

But recently I had an experience that made me realise just how false this sense of friendly intimacy is. A few weeks ago Neil's father died. Neil is really kind when he meets you ~ as generous with his attention to the 500th person in a line at a book signing as he was to the first ~ and it engenders a reciprocal care. Reading that his father had died immediately made me wish that I could do something, anything, to make this less painful for him. I felt that helpless feeling you feel when you want to reach out to a friend and comfort them, but (for whatever reason...distance, etc) can't.

But I'm NOT Neil's friend. It was sobering to realise that even if I had had the resources to jump on a plane to wherever he was, or to actually wangle the time with him to express my condolences or support, me doing that would have been more of an intrusion than a comfort. (NB: he was comforted by the presence of his fans on the day he found out, but I think it might have been a very different experience if they had known what was happening.) He chose to share the news with us, but then also announced that he would take a break from the blog to be with his family. As he should. There are just some things we, as fans, have no right to share. Even if we want to.

This is something I wish the people of the paparazzi industry could grasp. Because we are hungry for information doesn't mean we should always get it. It's not our right to know things these people would not have chosen to share, and the whole theory that a public figure has no right to privacy is terrible. Of course they have a right to privacy; as do their children. The public makes them famous by being interested in them, and there is an understanding that this comes at the price of needing to give something back 'to the fans'. But this gets blown out of all proportion when we treat them like a bug under our microscope and feel like it's okay to dissect and observe even the most minute details of their lives. In truth the relationship between a celebrity and their fans should be more like when a butterfly lands on your shoulder. It's a beautiful and touching experience to get close to something you usually only see from afar, but it should still be free to fly away, too. Even butterflies have a life to live. Celebs, too.

dream weaver

2009-03-25T06:27:00.001+11:00

Last night I dreamt that I was walking down the street and came across a friend of mine sitting in a line of people who had clearly been waiting through the night. I asked her what the line was for and she said, 'to buy Led Zeppelin tickets'. I was surprised, because I hadn't heard they were touring, and she offered to buy me a ticket. I woke up just when I was hurrying off to the ATM to get the money for the ticket. I wish I'd dreamt the concert, too. :)

I think this dream may have been the result of my boss telling me that she needed to leave early because, and I quote:

I have to go pick up my daughter. My partner is driving Chris Isaak around while he's in town and Chris is having dinner with Eric Clapton and so he's driving him over there.

Nice work if you can get it.

me and the blog

2009-03-24T06:24:00.000+11:00

I've been asked before why I blog. It's a good question, but one that is hard to answer. I like to write, but there's a difference between writing for fun or relaxation or to comment on political or social issues or just life, and writing as a craft. I might work for weeks on a 400-word story or a poem, but that isn't going to happen with a blog post. And it shouldn't. It's more natural to just write and only edit for correctness. It's like the difference between snapshots and paintings, and the blog is more like a photo album than an art gallery.

Because of this, I sometimes worry that what I write on the blog is largely superficial. That isn't to say that I don't ever write about issues that are meaningful to me, but most of the time they are issues that are out there in the world and not about me personally and my own life. Some of the reason for that is that the most personal things (worth writing about) are hard things and it's difficult to open yourself to the vulnerability writing about them entails.

I don't write very often about things like the deep lonliness I sometimes feel, or how frustrating it is to feel like I have this immense capacity for loving that I never get to express (at least haven't for a long time). I haven't been in that many serious relationships, but those few were pretty good. I was good at loving them (obscure Christian Slater movie reference anyone?) I hope I get that chance again with someone I like and respect.

I've spent my whole adult life caring for, teaching, supporting and generally emotionally investing in other people's children and it's painful to realise that I may never get the chance to raise kids that I get to keep instead of give back. To be honest I've never even really cared whether or not I gave birth - I hate it when people say you have to bear a child to be a mother, because it isn't true. But the difference is that when you do give birth, you really have to screw up for someone to take that child away. When you don't, you have to wait for someone to allow you the privilege of raising a child, and that's rare. A couple of years ago a close friend of mine and her partner were basically just given a baby. I wish it were that easy for me. If someone dropped a child off on my doorstep, I'd have to change my entire life to accomodate them, yet it would be an easy decision to make.

These are the things that I don't often say, because they are ever-present and if I blogged about them all the time it would be a very angsty blog indeed. Generally speaking, my life isn't so angsty. It's busy and challenging and sometimes lovely. And sometimes not.

The other reason I don't blog about personal things a lot is that I'm (perhaps too) aware of my audience ~ both the known and the unknown. In my life offline I have a few friends that I talk to about pretty much anything, but only a few. I've connected with some awesome people through the blogosphere, some of them people I think I could be friends with for real if we lived close enough to each other for that to be viable. So part of me wants to just be one of those bloggers who writes without concern for who reads, because I've had good experiences with people who read and comment.

But the internet is a weird place and I find it more sensible to assume that everyone I know reads the blog, because then hopefully I won't write anything that hurts someone, or that exposes me or someone I know to stupid gossip, or reveal even good things that they regard as too personal for the internet. One of my closest friends found and read the blog for a while before telling me that they were doing so. What they thought they might read while I was unaware I do not know. But it's one of the things that makes me cautious, because this is a person who probably knows anything I'm likely to write here anyway. I don't know if it's truly possible to be anonymous on the net, and I'm not even sure I want to be completely so ~ but if not, then what I write will always be tempered by an imagined audience. It's just the way it is.

Anyway, the point of this post is really that I hope I can open up a bit more in the future about myself, even if there will always be a line that I don't want to cross. During my short break I read some of my earlier posts and it felt like I had more to say. I still have things to say. I hope some of you will stick around to read them.

if you don't use bT...

2009-03-23T20:40:00.001+11:00

don't bother trying to understand this xkcd strip. If you do use it, you're about to laugh your ass off.

Don't forget to roll the mouse over the strip - the rollover text on this one is great!

taking a break

2009-03-01T12:23:00.007+11:00

[Edit: because I just realised this makes me sound pretty depressed. Which I was...for about two days. Then I started my new topic, 'Poetry & the Imagination' and distracted myself from my own thoughts long enough for my natural resilience to kick back in. Which is usually the way it goes. :) I will continue with the break a little longer because it's been useful to focus on studies (uni and also the lent thing) for a while.]

I probably won't be posting for a while. I'm a bit weary of it all. Thinking. Writing. Being me. I'm not going to bore you with the reasons why. I probably won't comment much either, so don't think I've abandoned reading your blog if you don't see an input from me. I'll be back in the blogosphere at some point soon. Right now I just need a break. And as I can't take a break from work or my one subject at university, I'm taking a break from everything else.

Be good, love you guys.
chosha

I didn't think I was so stereotypical

2009-02-26T09:38:00.004+11:00

But the man knows me too well.

I have a red one. And I love it.

lent

2009-02-25T16:00:00.001+11:00

I'm doing Lent this year. Observing Lent isn't common in the LDS religion, so it's not something I've done often in the past, but I was talking to Notredame (my soon to be ex-boarder) about it and I'm attracted to the idea. I like that its purpose it to get closer to God. I like that it precedes a celebration of renewal and redemption. I also like that it happens over forty days. It's a Goldilocks amount of time ~ not too long or too short, but just right. :)

The three traditional practices of Lent were prayer, fasting and almsgiving, and these represented justice to god, self and one's neighbour. The modern interpretation of those is to give up some vice, adopt some good practice that brings you closer to God and to spend time or money giving to others.

So what am I giving up? It was tempting to choose housework, but I've decided on television. In the absence of that major and largely mindless distraction I think concentrating on some deeper issues will be easier. I also get more sleep when I watch less TV and use my time better as a result. If I want this to be a serious project, then I'll need both the time and the energy.

For my added task I've decided to reread a book a friend lent me several years ago that I later bought. I think it will be a useful exercise. It's about Christianity, but very focussed in on simplifying the living of it. I've lived the complicated version - the one that fills your schedule, but doesn't always develop you as a person. It's surprising how effectively you can crowd out real spirituality with 'good' activities. I think reading this book over the forty days and considering its questions and challenges will give me a vehicle to focus on this area of my life.

Last year could have been one of introspection over activity, but it wasn't. I even thought I was going through the process of examining my beliefs, but at some point that process wound down into nothingness without me even noticing. In hindsight I think I needed to take a break spiritually ~ to pull away from any kind of religion/religious practice or belief before I could approach them again with new eyes and decide with more objectivity what it means to me now.

The last challenge is almsgiving. I wanted to think of something really cool to do for that. Finally I remembered a project I was involved in a long time ago in Adelaide to create the packs they give to women when they first go to a women's shelter. Often when someone is escaping domestic violence, they don't have time to plan for it. A crisis occurs and they just have to run. They also may have very little money to start over. These packs provide basic toiletries: soap, shampoo, toothbrush, comb, that sort of thing. I like the idea of giving something so immediately useful to the woman receiving it.

So there's my plan. I'll let you know how it goes. Anyone else celebrating Lent? If so, what did you choose to do or give up for forty days?

this isn't my photo

2009-02-22T08:47:00.006+11:00

But if the camera hadn't been left in the car, it could have been. Pretty cool, huh? (Follow the title link for the source and more pictures.)

This is the beach I visited on Saturday (Pebbly Beach on the Southern coast of New South Wales). The kangaroos are very comfortable with humans and happy to be patted as long as you don't startle them.

We actually stayed further South at Narooma, which was also beautiful. It was just an overnight trip, but I had a great time.

musings

2009-02-16T14:02:00.008+11:00

I like being an artist (and by artist I mean writer). The process of creation is intricate and satisfying. It's great to get an inspiration, an idea, and then try to work out how that can be developed into a story or poem, and finally to make that happen. I don't fancy myself as a brilliant writer, but there have been times when I've reread something I wrote several months later and been a little surprised that I wrote it. Those are very cool moments.

Still, sometimes I secretly wish I could be someone's muse instead. :)

kitten therapy

2009-02-15T20:42:00.003+11:00

I stopped by my friend's house today. They have six-week-old kittens just now and they are so sweet.

Kittens are easy to read. If they don't feel like being on your lap they squirm and send a small letter of protest to you typed with tiny little needle claws. When they want to be close to you they climb boldly into your lap and set up camp and fall asleep anywhere they like. Like small children they show affection without any awkwardness or agenda. There are no shades of meaning to interpret. Or to incorrectly interpret. Everything is what it is.

I may need more kitten therapy tomorrow.

And on a sort-of-but-not-really-related note, kittens, inspired by kittens:

anything other than me

2009-02-15T02:34:00.008+11:00

Watching a lot of One Tree Hill lately. Don't worry ~ I'm not planning to blog on it, though I may borrow a few of Lucas' literary quotes. There are some great ones. I've also been struck by Gavin McGraw's lyrics each time the theme plays:

"I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me."

Which is true. Sometimes I want to be a better me, but I do like myself, for the most part. This doesn't stop me wondering sometimes if 'me' is enough. Enough for what? Good question. And I'm not sure I have a good answer. It's easy to feel like you fall short when you're not sure what you're measuring yourself against.

I hope this doesn't come across like I'm down. I'm not. Just thinking.

something offbeat for the other romantics

2009-02-14T00:47:00.004+11:00

This is actually an xkcd strip. It was parody week and this strip was xkcd's parody of A Softer World. Happy Valentine's Day to all the people who aren't madly in love right now, but who appreciate how wonderful, and scary, love is all the same.

thoughts on relationships

2009-02-12T23:21:00.002+11:00

Just been watching this week's Trannystar Galactica episode from Diana. Such a sweet person. (In case you're not familiar with TG and are confused, she presents male for work and on that vlog, but the name indicates to me I should use female pronouns, so that's how I'm rolling with it.)

The topic was Valentine's Day and relationships in general. She brought up her (previous) three rules for a relationship: no lies, no violence, no disrespect. At some point that seemed too negative, so she changed it to love, honesty, respect. It seemed like an interesting question to raise.

If you had to sum up your philosophy on relationships in three pithy dot points, what would they be?

For me (and I'm writing this on the fly, so it might not be definitive):

~ no mind games (emotional manipulation = dealbreaker)

~ friends as well as lovers (friends are more accepting and in the end it's a stronger bond. Love based on friendship can weather much bigger storms and makes the smooth sailing more beautiful)

~ don't fear baggage, but don't be owned by it either (we all have it; it makes us real people. Just remember we retain the ability to choose, no matter what)

Adding explanation made those a bit less pithy, but at least you know what I mean now.

I've been reasonably lucky in my life with relationships. For the most part they've been good and ended amicably. It's been a long time since I was in love, but I choose to be hopeful about that. Most days. :)

By the way, in case you watch Diana's video, this is the Indigo Girls song she mentions. It's great.

helping the bushfire victims

2009-02-11T00:04:00.001+11:00

There have been several appeals in the last couple of days for goods (clothes, toiletries, toys for kids, etc) to help the bushfire victims and the massive response has been heartening. A local radio station here organised some trucks to head to Victoria and they received so many donations they couldn't fit them all in. A couple of emergency centres in Victoria have similarly had to request that people stop bring donations of goods and instead focus on blood and money donations to the Red Cross.

Nothing is going to make this a good situation, but it's still amazing to see the immediate and compassionate response. I'm not usually one to put in a good word for big business (only $1 donated from each Big Mac on McHappy Day, McD's? And how much profit do you make out of the remainder of the price as a result?) however I want to applaud Coles supermarkets. Coles is not only providing water, food and other necessities, but this Friday ALL of their profits for the day are being donated to the Bushfire Appeal. They are not only giving up the day's profit, but of course will also lose some sales from other days that week because people are waiting to shop on the Friday. Yeah, it's just one day, but they didn't have to do it and it's a LOT of money.

If you're in Australia I hope you can find a way to contribute. I'm donating to the Red Cross. I also need to find out where the blood bus is today and hopefully donate blood, too. The last couple of times I had the chance to donate blood I was taking antibiotics and couldn't, but luckily this time I'm not even on hayfever medication. Good timing.

every time I say things are good out loud...

2009-02-10T00:12:00.000+11:00

the universe laughs.

Once again I need a new homestay student. Before I start sounding all self-pitying, I'll interject that there's actually a good chance I can get one organised pretty quickly. But tonight I'm all uncertainty and frustration. Just once I wish I could sort out my budget and have it stick. I'm trying so hard to get money together to buy my friend's car in May (and it's an awesome deal, trust me) and I'm happy to work my butt off to make it happen. I just need a chance to do that.

Once everything's back on an even keel...I'm going to keep my mouth shut and try to slip under the universe's radar.

life in the sunburnt country

2009-02-09T14:35:00.006+11:00

As of this morning there were 31 bushfires raging across the state of Victoria. People in our Melbourne office have lost friends amongst the climbing death toll, currently sitting at 126 and expected to double as fire crews locate more of the dead who failed to escape ahead of the firefront. An estimated 750 homes have already been lost with entire townships burned to ruins.

Bushfire is a constant of the Australian summer. When I went to the coast recently we had to check the morning we left that the highway had not been closed due to the fires burning near that area. On the way back we saw smoke/visibility warnings, but the road was still open. The weather channel has a regular bushfire update. Two days ago there were five fires on the map and that seemed normal.

But every few years things get worse. The last big bushfire disaster was in 2003 when around 500 homes in Canberra were destroyed (one of the major causes why rent is artificially high here). However, just four people died. Significant for their families and friends of course, but statistically a very small number compared to the number of residential homes lost - obviously people evacuated successfully. That isn't what's happening right now. The fires are spread out over a wide area and some people are waiting too long to put their fire plan into action.

Worst still, and the thing I just cannot get my head around, is that not only have several of these fires been deliberately lit, but there are people in some areas going into devastated areas and relighting fires. What the hell could be going through their minds? This is not simple carelessness, or a prank gone wrong. This is people who already know the death toll deliberately trying to widen the field of disaster.

There are just some things that people living in a hot, dry land should never do and wasting water and lighting scrub fires are on the top of the list. Causing death via arson carries a maximum 25-year jail term, and I hope they catch every last one of them.

To end on a brighter note, I heard a story of a shiftworker sleeping through the day who was saved by his cat. The cat jumped on the bed and scratched his hand until he woke up. Then the man heard the commotion outside. He realised what was happening, grabbed the cat, ran outside to jump onto an evacuation vehicle and they both survived the fire. He lost his house, but that's still a happy ending in my book.

fugging brilliant

2009-02-08T14:26:00.007+11:00

Heather of GFY said about this outfit:

"It's like her Faberge egg hatched and she's getting ready to breast-feed its spawn."

Click the pic to zoom in and see just how appalling those enormous, bejewelled, faux nipples are.

Officially my favourite observation on that blog ever.

coraline

2009-02-06T21:00:00.001+11:00

I'm so happy Coraline is being well-received (87% fresh at time of writing).

I'm glad that Henry Selick was the director.

I can't believe I have to wait until May 7 to see it in the cinema.

2 things challenge: many/few

2009-02-02T21:21:00.001+11:00

Here's my entry for the latest 2 Things Challenge. My interpretation of many/few is made up of two photos from the Tegan and Sara concert I went to a few weeks ago.

The FEW on the stage

and the MANY watching.

Every concert is about this, and it's one reason I love live music as opposed to just listening to the CD. When a live show is going well, everything seems to align in the moment and there's a real connection between the artist/s and the fans.

I got another idea for this theme on Sunday night, but had no time to execute it. Very frustrating. If I can find the necessary setting to take the photos I have in mind I will post them later in the week.

decisions, decisions...

2009-01-30T22:56:00.000+11:00

(apologies to Shakespeare)

Poetry or screenwriting? That is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind
to embrace an art I love
but that bittersweet delves
and draws from the human heart
its most pruned and precious blossoms
tiny cut by tiny cut

or to take arms against
the poignant turn of phrase
walled gardens of
clean, concise words
and end the need to contain
in fourteen rows
the immensity of the soul

no more, the pressing desire to train the perfect slam piece
that weaves its tendrils around the listeners' ears and throat
only to slap them witty on the cheek
their sudden laughter the proof
of wisely tended wordlings grown strong

to rest from tending
to sleep, perchance to dream
aye, there's the rub
what does a poet's heart become;
to what end its 3am wakefulness
when the poet sleeps on?

for in the strokes of urgent, unfettered pen
what wide, unmapped country lies ahead
of hilly dialogue and marshy directions

the traveller pauses, wondering

perhaps that five hours spent
grafting, lovingly watching
that one leaf unfurl perfectly

the counting of ways
the buds of May
the road not taken
the carrying of hearts
a dream within a dream within a dream

perhaps preferable, that searching
homeward
inward
for restraint and rhyme
than to ride into new and unknown lands
that puzzle the will
and make us rather bear those tasks we have
than fly to screenwriting assignments that we know not of?
thus two thousand words of uncertainty
make a coward of me
and turn my mind instead to
sixty lines of familiar torture

though there may be an enterprise
of great pith and moment
in me
still I may lose the name of action
to tap the undiscovered Jim Uhls in me
until 2010

***

Yes I do take poetry too seriously.And no, I'm sure screenwriting isn't actually like the unknown of death. :) And yes, I'll eventually decide which subject to enrol in this semester.

stronger than you think

2009-01-28T14:48:00.005+11:00

I love these two print ads that the Kids Helpline has been running for a while. I've been meaning to post a photo of them for ages, but I had to find my card reader. Well here they are:

Click to see the poster larger. The slogan in the yellow box reads "You're stronger than you think." What a brilliant way (visually) to immediately deliver that message.

I'm posting them now for another reason. Neil Gaiman has won himself a Newbery for The Graveyard Book. I love this book (and I highly recommend listening to Neil read it on the audiobook) but the book being entertaining isn't the reason I'm glad it won this particular award.

I think the world is often a harsh place, especially for children. I sometimes feel like my life has been hard (woe is me), but the truth is that I never had to deal with even a small part of the truly terrible challenges that some children face growing up. I think those Helpline ads are amazing, because they're not just about helping kids understand that they are strong, but also that they are strong enough to ask for help when they need it and to deal with the fallout of doing so.

I respect the fact that Neil's children's books are centred around strong, curious, resourceful children who fear things that are worth fearing but are not defeated by those fears. Sometimes they rely on the strength of trustworthy adults. Sometimes that option is not open to them and they have to find the strength within themselves to move forward without that safety net. And Bod (The Graveyard Book), Coraline (Coraline), and Lucy (Wolves in the Walls (a picture book)) all face formidable foes ~ three dimensional villians with real power, acting out of genuine malice and/or evil design (okay the wolves are just wolves).

The 'Other Mother' in Coraline is so creepy (you'll never look at black buttons the same way again) and Bod's family have just been murdered when The Graveyard Book opens. I found it interesting when Neil commented that adults see Coraline as a horror story, whereas children tend to see it as an adventure. I'm sure the same is true of the Newbery winner. Just as well, or these would be the best children's books that children would never get to read, because they'd be too scary!

I think his books empower children and I like that Neil doesn't presume to talk down to his audience just because they are children. And yes, I know he isn't the first author to write stories about brave children or scary villians, but the deceptive simplicity of the language (remember the way it felt the first time you read The Alchemist?) ~ the way the words lend themselves to being read out loud ~ the balance between humour and intrigue and drama ~ as well as the strong storylines, all come together to create delightful reading. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

living space

2009-01-20T11:30:00.002+11:00

Yet again chosha is on the decluttering path. The nature of clearing stuff out is that it gets worse before it gets better, so at the moment I feel completely surrounded by boxes and bags of stuff. I've only lived here for five years and I'm not really that much into shopping, so I find myself confused as where the heck all this stuff came from.

At least my procrastination in getting to this tedious task has some benefits. For one thing it makes the decluttering process less painful. There are several boxes I sent to myself when I left Japan. The first time I tried to cull these I could hardly bear to throw anything away. I was missing Japan and everything seemed too precious. Now that a few years have passed it's amazing what I'm willing to ditch.

I'm really looking forward to finishing. My mind is definitely more organised when my work or living environment is the same. More than that, I want to do more with my space at home. The first few years I was in Canberra I was constantly trying to decide whether to move interstate to some livelier city. It never seemed worth settling in properly and making the place my own. As a result I have artwork not yet up on the walls, shelves and the like unassembled and a 'whatever' decorating theme throughout. I was pretty happy with my apartment in Osaka. It had a relaxing vibe. I'd like to have a go at making my current space as liveable. Decluttering's a good start. So I guess I'm back to sorting. It's going to be one hell of a garage sale!

Do you like your living space?

a poem for you (i took the photo, too!)

2009-01-15T20:32:00.005+11:00

this tricky business of marriage

2009-01-14T21:00:00.003+11:00

It was Saudi's birthday today (as far as he could work out swapping between calendars). He invited two friends over, both also Muslims from his country. We had a most interesting conversation about arranged marriage. None of this difficult dating lark, oh no! When Long Black decided he wanted a wife, he sent his sisters out looking for him and they found him a very nice lass. :)

After his and her parents had a chat, he was allowed to meet her. She was pretty shy, but luckily he isn't and he was able to talk with her enough to realise that they both felt a connection, so he gave her a present he'd brought ~ a bracelet ~ to indicate his interest. They were both pretty fortunate to have very open-minded parents who agreed that it would be okay for the two of them to talk on the phone (not all families allow this) so they exchanged numbers and while he was away in another city for six months, they got to know each other better. Now they've been married three years and have a young son.

It's so strange that while I can't imagine ever letting someone else choose a husband for me, I still found this story completely sweet. Everyone was charmed by the way he spoke about his wife and how much love and respect he has for her. It's interesting, too, to talk to young men in their 20s who have no shyness at all at the fact that they have never dated any girl, and won't ever do so before they marry (Saudi and his other friend are still single). These things are simply experiences for another time in their life that's still to come.

It's such a diverse world, and people take very different paths, but we all want to be happy. I feel like they are missing something in the loss of those first weeks and months when you know you like someone, but have no agenda except to enjoy finding out more about them and discover if they feel the same connection. And yet, there was such a purity to the way he described this arranged match. It had its own beauty.

Interesting night.

dweezil zappa

2009-01-13T08:24:00.000+11:00

Just reading a little fluff piece on unusual celebrity children's names and came across this picture of Frank Zappa's kids. And I quote:

Diva, Ahmet, Moon Unit and Dweezil. Frank Zappa's kids all got weird names, but we reckon Dweezil copped it the worst.

That may be so, but apparently he also scored a goodly portion of the hotness in the family to compensate. Beautiful face. Actually he reminds of Adam Ant in his early days. Just needs some war paint and feathers.

2 things challenge: partial/whole

2009-01-12T08:00:00.001+11:00

This is my first entry for the 2 Things Challenge. Each week there's a different theme and you can represent the words artistically as you choose.

This week the theme is partial/whole. These two photos were taken in the Melbourne Airport. I had some time to kill before my flight, so I wandered a while with my camera. I think this floor mosaic captured the theme (the tiny irregular tiles each a part of the whole) and I love the colours, too.

This last one isn't a great photo, but I thought people might like to get a sense of what the whole mosaic looks like.

slipping out from under the radar

2009-01-11T22:32:00.001+11:00

So the new year is here and I'm no longer attending church. For those who didn't see that coming (and who care about such things) don't sweat it: it's something I've only blogged around the edges of over the last year, mainly because I sometimes have trouble remembering who reads the blog. Incidentally, if you're (you know who you are) reading this and we have mutual real life (as opposed to web-based) friends, try to resist the urge to gossip. It would be kind of good to tell people myself when I visit home in a couple of months.

So why am I mentioning it now? Well, I just had an interesting experience. A few days ago the ward Relief Society president sent an email because she hadn't heard back from me on whether or not I wanted to be a visiting teacher this year. I explained that 'for various reasons' I wouldn't be able to accept that role. She then (in a kindly-intentioned fashion) sent me some alternative options that would allow me to still be involved (eg would I be willing to write a letter to two sisters each month?) So finally I just explained that I didn't think it would appropriate for me to take on any VT role, because I wasn't planning to attend church anymore.

I've already told some people about this and their reactions have been interesting to say the least. My mother told me that she would support whatever decision I made. Some weeks later she asked me if I was still planning to leave, in a rather timid voice. I asked her if this upset her and she said no, but that it made her feel lonely (she's now the only active member in our immediate family and we have no members in our extended family). I explained to her that I would always support her decision to attend, that she was welcome to discuss church and/or church doctrine with me anytime, and that I would never think she was silly for being a member of the church. And I won't. If I thought it was silly, I could never have been a member so long. There are a lot of basic values I learned at church that I will always respect and try to live.

Two friends were a little sad about it, but calm and accepting. Three other friends (to my great surprise) informed me that they either hadn't been active for some time, or were attending but also experiencing serious doubts/issues that had them questioning their membership.

This week was the first time I had explained my absence to someone I knew for sure was fully active and 100% believing. I've heard about some people having bad experiences with former friends when they left the church and so when she immediately asked if she could visit me I wasn't sure how that would go. I said yes because I consider her a friend and because I was happy to give her an opportunity to ask questions if she wanted to.

In the end it was a strange conversation - although she didn't question my decision, and was very tactful in asking about my reasons for leaving, there was a quiet tension in the air. Her opinions on the range of topics we discussed came from such a place of absolute faith that there was really no place for us to meet in the middle. Though I had just explained that I no longer believed the church to be true or have any authority to act for God, she still used quotes from latter-day prophets or recent leaders of the church to make her points and asked me questions I found odd, like whether or not I was still reading the Book of Mormon.

None of it was bad, none of it was accusatory or judgmental. She was actually really nice. It still felt odd and made me realise just how far past the point of no return I am. I no longer wish I could just reverse it all and go back to the Matrix. Well, actually I never wished that (I'm very much a red pill kind of girl), but there was a time when I first realised I no longer believed Joseph Smith and that was painful to me, because I knew in my heart that it was the beginning of the end. Now, an introspective and confusing year or so later, it's just a reality to deal with. Ironically it's the church that taught me to be so uncompromising about truth. I can't pretend I believe and I've realised that being open about it (while still attending) is just a recipe for a sucky church life (no calling, no temple recommend, no realistic chance of a successful romantic relationship with a member, etc). I'm glad I have friends who've been accepting rather than not. I know some people aren't that lucky. I guess we'll see what happens from here on out as more people find out.

roadtrip by numbers

2009-01-09T04:10:00.005+11:00

5: people actually travelling to Sydney and ready to leave on time

2: people NOT travelling to Sydney yet creatively managing to delay departure by two hours

288: km from Canberra to Sydney

0: good CDs in the car

1: really fun game/conversation/debate about who we would turn gay for (J, Drummer Boy, the feline, amai and me (though reflecting on it now I should have said))

1: collective sigh that ran through the car when Jake Gyllenhaal's name was mentioned in the above.

[1: cool Daniel Craig interview I found while Googling all those links. Also this is funny.]

20: minutes we spent going the wrong way down Princes Highway. :)

35: metres of sidewalk packed with people who got there and lined up before us.

3: bands playing.

2: bands that rocked.

21: songs on the set list (Dark Come Soon, You Wouldn't Like Me, I Bet It Stung, Walking With A Ghost, Hop A Plane, Living Room, So Jealous, Like O Like H, Give Chase, One Second, I Know I Know I Know, Burn Your Life Down, Knife Going In, Nineteen, Where Does The Good Go, Speak Slow, Call It Off, The Con, Relief, Dancing In The Dark (Springsteen cover), Back In Your Head

22: photos I took during the show

2: songs we were hoping to hear, but didn't.

8: (I think) scary, paranormal stories told on the way home.

20: minutes of the homeward journey I spent trying to figure out what I would do if a ghost appeared on the road while I was driving and deciding we would all probably just die.

3:30am - time we arrived back in Canberra

tegan and sara

2009-01-07T02:40:00.005+11:00

I'm going to see Tegan & Sara in Sydney on Thursday night. I liked their music before (I have friends who've liked them for ages), but in the last month I've been looking a bit more carefully at their lyrics. I'm quite intrigued by their songwriting. This song, 'I Was Married' is from their 2007 album The Con. The lyrics are included over a slideshow of concert stills. There are so many live videos on Youtube, I'm starting to wonder if cameras will be allowed. Not that I plan to take bootleg video ~ the sound quality is always total crap ~ but it would be a cool to get a couple of photos.

I also really like the lyrics (added below the video) in this song, 'Relief Next to Me', from the same album. I think this will sound good live.

Relief Next to Me

I miss you now
I guess like I should have missed you then
My body moves
Like curtains waving in and out of wind,
In and out of windows
I can't untangle, I can't untangle
What I feel and what would matter most
I can't get close and I,
I can't get close
And now there's just no point,
In reaching out for me
In the dark,
I'm just no good at giving relief
In the dark,
It won't be easy to find relief
And I'm not proud
That nothing will seem easy about me
But I promise this
I won't go my whole life
Telling you I don't need
But I promise this
I won't go my whole life
Telling you I don't need

I'll tell you now
I guess like I should have told you then
The thunder moves
Like damn drawers slamming in my frame
Slamming in my framework
I can't untangle, I can't untangle
What I know and what should matter most
I can't get close and I,
I can't get close
And now there's just no point,
In reaching out for you
In the dark,
I'm just no good at giving relief
In the dark,
It won't be easy to find relief
And I'm not proud
That nothing will seem easy about me
But I promise this
I won't go my whole life
Telling you I don't need

today i wrote a character reference

2009-01-06T23:24:00.003+11:00

A few months back I mentioned that a friend had moved overseas. Now she finds herself, away from her friends and extended family, facing a divorce and a custody battle. My impression from her emails is that she really did not see this coming. The move was supposed to be a good one - a chance for her husband to return to his birthplace and spend more time with his older children now that he's retired. She was so supportive of this wish of his, and now it's all gone to hell in a handbasket.

So today I found myself trying to capture in a page or so just how wonderful I think this woman is: to write something that will give her support and truthfully tell how loving and capable a parent I believe her to be. It's easy to write in some ways - her kids are lovely and her good parenting is written all over them. But it's also sad that the need to write it exists at all. Anyway, it's done and now I just need to mail it. It's hard to say if it will help, because things like this carry more weight if you can comment on the most recent six months and of course she's been overseas during that time. But the opportunity was given to write it, and it can't hurt to add another character reference to the pile. If nothing else I hope it will give her the support I wish I was there in person to give.

why bella irks me

2009-01-03T15:31:00.004+11:00

##TWILIGHT SPOILERS##
##TWILIGHT SPOILERS##
##TWILIGHT SPOILERS##

I'm always saying that Bella (Twilight series) annoys me. Here's a couple of specific examples of why. (The punctuation isn't right, I'm transcribing from the audio.)

1. If Bella had a theme song, it would be called, 'How can he love such a worthless girl?'

Edward: You weren't going to let go. I could see that. I didn't want to do it. It felt like it would kill me to do it. But I knew that if I couldn't convince that I didn't love you any more, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life...

But I never imagined that it would be so easy to do. I thought it would be next to impossible; that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied and I'm so sorry...

But how could you believe me?! After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?...I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you any more. The most absurd, ridiculous concept - as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you.

She then starts crying, because his declaration makes her assume that she is, as she thought earlier, just dreaming. He then spouts even more sappy stuff about how he loves her, will always love her, thought about her every second he was away from her, etc. This makes her believe him less, not more.

Edward: You don't believe me, do you? Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?

Hmmm. Why indeed, Edward? Good question.

Bella: It never made sense for you to love me. I always knew that.

I have real issues with the heroine of this story - a girl who is written up as the epitome of sacrifice for the sake of love - having NO DISCERNABLE SELF ESTEEM. Is that WHY she sacrifices everything for him...because HE deserves everything and SHE deserves nothing?

2. The pot calling the kettle a martyr.

Bella is talking to Edward about him running off to get killed because he thought she was dead.

Bella: This has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this...this guilt rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happened to me here. None of it is your fault. It's just part of how life is for me. So if I trip in front of a bus, or whatever it is next time, you have to realise that it's not your job to take the blame. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die that would have been my choice...

I know it's your nature to shoulder the blame for everything. But you can't let that make you go to such extremes. It's very irresponsible.

W...T...F...??? Bella does this throughout ALL FOUR BOOKS. She takes the blame for everything. Things other people think and feel, things over which she could not possibly have any control, things that happen accidentally, deliberate pre-meditated decisions made by other people. EVERYTHING. I'm surprised she doesn't blame herself for bad weather. Or good weather. Or when the weather doesn't match the forecast.

I cannot count the number of times I have wished she was in front of me while I'm listening, so I could slap her every time she says something stupid or pathetic. (This book is not helping my goal to be more patient.) Of course if she was, she'd be dead by now and Edward would have to kill me. And that would be bad.

end-of-year meme: cross-section of my blog in 2008

2009-01-01T23:02:00.002+11:00

A meme from Sean. If you like the idea, consider yourself tagged and let me know in the comments so I can check it out.

The rules for the meme: Take the first line from the first post of every month for the last year, and post them together as a kind of cross-section of what you were blogging about during the year. Remember to link to all the posts you are excerpting.

January: ~~~happy new year~~~

New Year's is my favourite holiday.

February: q4: study the following photographs carefully. compare and contrast.

I was planning to post a series of pictures about food consumption across the globe that I received by email this morning.

March: wil anderson

More and more I find myself loving stand up comedy.

April: intended for the day, not the fool...initially

But then I read this post and now he's welcome to take the compliment for any bits he likes.

May: heart grown fonder yet?

I've certainly been absent long enough.

June: pen to paper

The first semester of my Grad Diploma in Professional Writing is drawing to a close (big test this Wednesday for Intro to Editing will be the last of my assessment tasks).

July: tag i'm it. 20+ years of chosha

I secretly love getting tagged, perhaps because it hardly ever happens.

August: feeling rattled ~ the windows et moi The carport at our place is open at the sides. September: the hobbit

From a current Empire magazine interview with Guillermo del Toro:

October: editing project crunch time

This semester my major editing project is (we choose/create our own) to create small training manual specifically targeted at coaches teaching wheelchair table tennis players.

November: I thought today's post would be about obama

I wanted to celebrate his election to President of the US.

December: big day out 2009

I decided to give Big Day Out a miss this summer - lots of other uses for my money right now.

Somehow I managed to miss any posts on Neil Gaiman or So You Think You Can Dance? How I do not know. :)

the inevitable resolutions

2009-01-01T15:21:00.002+11:00

My New Year's resolutions can be summed up thus:

- be more punctual
- be more patient
- write (even) more
- be open to new possibilities

Happy New Year Everyone. I hope 2009 brings us all not just good things, but the things we most need, whatever they are.

new year's eve

2008-12-31T23:59:00.006+11:00

New Year's Eve didn't work out at all how I originally planned it. I ended up going to the zoo with Flexi Boy, Drummer Boy (who needs a new nickname, as he's not a drummer any more) and DB's girlfriend. Here are a few pics:

A cheetah enjoying the shade.

The kangaroos are in the walk-in section. Sometimes you can pat them, but they can easily avoid people if they're not in the mood (no human can outrun a kangaroo - they can be six metres away in two lazy hops).

Pffft!

The bears were pretty cooperative - lots of photo ops.

Saudi had been planning to go to Sydney with a friend for the NYE fireworks over the harbour and I was actually looking forward to spending NYE at home alone, so I wasn't super thrilled when I got back from the zoo and found he hadn't gone. I think he might have been hoping I would end up driving into the city for the fireworks here, but even if I'd wanted to, I'm avoiding driving until my brakes get fixed next week, so that wasn't an option.

In the end I made dinner (tres delicious steak with mushroom gravy, veggies and curly fries...mmm) and we talked for about an hour. Then he went off to do his own thing and I had a couple of quiet hours before seeing the new year in with a little toast:

To 2008 and the clarity it brought me; to 2009 and all of its possibilities!

coraline figurines

2008-12-30T23:56:00.002+11:00

I quite like the one in the yellow raincoat. Unfortunately it looks like they come as a set.

I wonder when the movie is starting here...

twilight revisited

2008-12-29T22:18:00.000+11:00

I've been reading Twilight again - well, listening to it actually. Last time I read it really fast, mainly because Bella's constant whiney martyrdom is so irritating. However, my favourite kids are currently obsessed with it, and I missed so many details the first time that it's hard to participate in their conversations about it - the book, the movie, comparing the book and the movie. I decided it wouldn't cost me too much holiday time to just read the thing again.

I've thought several times that the writing is not as bad as I first thought. In fact, wherever Bella isn't rambling about how perfect and beautiful and amazing Edward is, or about how hopeless and ordinary and insignificant she is, some of the writing was downright good. Of course as I'm typing this, Bella is under the impression she's dying and is now talking about an 'angel' saying her name...Edward of course. After I got through rolling my eyes I spent some time controlling my gag reflex - so sickeningly sweet.

The things I do for those kids...

so this is christmas

2008-12-25T09:30:00.007+11:00

Merry Christmas All. I realise not everyone celebrates Christmas, but even so, I can still wish you a very merry time, no? :)

I'll be going to my friends' house today (Flexi Boy, Gangsta Girl and Drummer Boy's parents). I love going to their house for Christmas. The atmosphere is relaxed and joyous and never stressed. Last year the turkey went in late and lunch was delayed till almost 3pm. In spite of the fact that presents can't be opened until after lunch, the kids just rolled their eyes, laughed off the mistake, and started up a game of Uno to pass the time. Carols, bowls of cherries and cashews and homemade truffles, traditional acting out of the Christmas story (in spite of them all protesting they are too old for that now), Norman Rockell picture lunch, cats hunting the baubles on the Christmas tree (and this year a cat that seems to be planning to have her kittens under the tree!), occasional visitors...it's just a fabulous Christmas. Even the weather is being kind - the forecast for today is 29C (84F)!

I hope you all have a wonderful day, too.

chosha saves christmas

2008-12-24T20:19:00.003+11:00

I called Flexi Boy this afternoon to ask if he'd bought a particular present for someone (so I could get it if he hadn't) and discovered he was also at the mall. When we met up for bubble tea ten minutes later I asked how many presents he still needed to buy. He said all of them bar one: seven presents.

It was then I informed him that the shops were closing in less than an hour.

One mystery book (my present), Barbie Island Princess bean bag, sea monkeys, video game, Play Doh, Iron Man DVD, box of sea shell chocolates and bathrobe purchase later he was all set. I took him back with his treasures to my place and we wrapped everything so he could take it all home ready to go under the tree. It was a crazy hour of shopping, but so much fun!

This year is the first year he's had a real part-time job and he was excited that he could afford to get people things they'd really like. Not that that always meant something expensive - one of the presents cost him $80, another just $9, but in both cases it was right for the person - but last year he probably had $50 to spend in total and had to decide everything by price. All three of the kids are like that. They really enjoy buying gifts for other people and appreciate everything they receive. I'm really looking forward to watching everyone open their presents tomorrow.

roll on, last minute shopping!

2008-12-23T23:54:00.003+11:00

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I'm working, but the Chairman (like a CEO) always sends an email out on the last day to tell everyone to go home at lunchtime. As you can imagine, everyone likes that tradition. It's also payday, and almost all government employees get paid on the same day, so the shops are going to be busy, but not too insane, as half of Canberra has already taken off for their holidays. Canberra is so deserted around this time of year that some restaurants shut down for two weeks. This is the first place I've ever lived where that was the case. The cinema never has much of a line and you can actually finish your Christmas shopping without lines ten people deep.

I have maybe four presents left to buy and somewhere in there I need to get a haircut, too. I finally sent some Christmas cards out on Monday. They'll be late of course, but seeing as this is the first time in three Christmases that I managed to actually post the things, I'm going easy on myself. :)

christmas music

2008-12-22T06:26:00.001+11:00

The Book Guardian introduced me to playlist.com (and many, many great songs), but I wasn't planning to add it to my blog...until her Christmas list appeared. My favourite part of Christmas is the music, so what a nice way to infuse the blog with some Christmassy goodness. Of course I procrastinated, but after seeing a list from Yankee Girl (and watch the clip...it's so cute, especially the ending) I realised I had to pull my finger out and get a list together or Christmas would be long gone. So I stayed up till 2am last night playing with songs to find my favs. Appearing in my sidebar until December 31st...enjoy!

i'm supposed to be on leave right now

2008-12-20T14:21:00.003+11:00

In fact, I was supposed to be on leave all last week, but only ended up taking Tuesday and Friday. Now next week I'm working Monday and Tuesday as well. I'm not sure why I so easily agreed to that. I know there is work to do, but it's not like there's no-one else to do it. I think it was just that I knew I didn't have anything in particular that had to be done those days, so why not be cooperative and come in? The trouble with that reasoning is that I slotted in those days of leave because I need a break. I've been sick probably five or six times in the last six months and also had a lot going on with work and church as well. For a lot of reasons, 2009 is going to be quite a different year for me and I want to go into it happy and rested.

Which all boils down to the fact that on Monday I'm going to tell my boss (who is well aware that I've been sick a lot and had planned to take a real break over Christmas) that I'm shifting this leave not taken to the week after New Year's and heading for the coast.

well do i?

2008-12-16T22:37:00.000+11:00

I don't know where this came from originally. I know I stole it from Ampersand Duck. I laughed so loud at it that I had to share:

when do you tell?

2008-12-06T23:08:00.001+11:00

I talked to a friend today and he mentioned that his wife is pregnant. It's early days yet, so they're not telling people, but I don't see him very often so he did tell me. (First baby...very exciting!) I guess they'll do like most people and go public when the first trimester is safely over.

On the net, picking your moment to tell some news involves a whole new level of analysis. No matter how anonymous (or limited in audience) you think your blog is, once you put something on the internet, you better be cool with the world knowing it, because once it's out there, well, it's out there. Romance is a good example here, because if you talk about dating someone, then you end up 'having' to blog the break-up if it happens, if only to signal that people should no longer ask how said romance is going.

You also have to deal with comments. This is true in real life, too, which is exactly why another friend has been keeping her romance on the downlow for months. And if you've ever been a part of a Mormon (or any closeknit religious) community, you'll understand how that goes. Everyone's always waiting for an announcement, even if you are nowhere near making one.

So most people want to get that 'first trimester' safely over. Nemesis introduced Gentleman Friend not too long before their engagement, but we all knew he was significant back when his photo appeared. I thought when Riftgirl and her beau joked about 'doing it for Obama' they were talking about sex. Seems now that 'it' was getting themselves hitched. The blog world had to wait a whole month for that news (totally worth the wait). I can really understand that though. They both have a relatively high profile on Youtube, etc, and share a lot of their personal lives, so it must have been really nice to have something special and secret they just enjoyed for a while alone before they told the world.

So what do you think? Do you blog about romance? If you do, what's your equivalent of a romantic 'first trimester' you want over before you hit the interwebs with heart-shaped news? What other kinds of news would you wait a while to blog?

big day out 2009

2008-12-02T15:49:00.000+11:00

I decided to give Big Day Out a miss this summer - lots of other uses for my money right now. In keeping with this decision I knew it was a bad idea to check out the line-up. It's like deciding to be vegetarian and then accepting an invite to a barbeque. At someone's house who really knows how to barbeque.

Neil Young? Artic Monkeys? The Prodigy? Infusion? Pendulum?

Neil Young is a legend, and I've wanted to see both The Prodigy and Infusion for the longest time. There's probably another six bands on the list I'd love to see live.

Dagnabbit!

Here's hoping not all of the sideshows are sold out. I'm kind of scared to look.

god's facebook page

2008-11-26T09:20:00.002+11:00

Quite funny. I wonder if anyone has done a Bridget Jones' Diary-style version. That would be even funnier.

transgender day of remembrance

2008-11-25T16:05:00.004+11:00

Somehow I let this slip by (TD0R is Nov 20) despite the fact that I read some related posts from other bloggers. Given how much I've been thinking about this phenomenon (transgender or GID) this year, I wanted to acknowledge the day. This year I think that some people who are transgender have taught me one of the most important lessons I've ever learned. And it's going to sound ridiculously simple in my head as I type it, but here goes: We don't need to understand something to accept it.

I used to think some things were wrong, based on the fact that they didn't fit the 'natural order of things'. This attitude was also guided by religious belief and it was a narrow view. What I had failed to realise is that a certain percentage of anomalic difference IS natural. Though it manifests itself in a much more serious and life-altering way, transgender is no more unnatural than a birthmark, or a hereditary propensity to type 2 diabetes. Not only that, developmental anomalies are not harmful to others ~ they just exist.

There is one hugely important lesson I did learn from my church, and that is a unalienable respect for the truth. I can't ignore the fact that the doctrines of the church, despite numerous references to the eternal nature of gender, offer nothing in the way of explanation for why some people are born with indeterminate physical gender and why others are born identifying with a gender that does not relate to their physical body. In spite of this lack of clarity in the doctrine, transgender people who choose to have gender-reassignment surgery cannot receive the priesthood (a male gender privilege) or receive a temple recommend (the temple endowment ceremonies are quite gender-specific). I find this...inadequate. It is not enough (and this applies to the church's doctrine and policy on homosexuality, too) to say that you simply must deal with a 'condition' of your life that is totally irreconcilable with doctrine that is supposed to represent eternal truth. I don't think you can call something truth when it denies reality.

This doesn't only apply to religion. It's just a general fact. No matter what you believe is truth, you have to measure it against what is real. And if it doesn't measure up, you can't base what you do on it. Most importantly, you can't base how you treat other people on it. You can't deny someone else's reality, just because doing so makes you feel more safe in your explainable world. You can't hurt someone just because you don't understand them. Let me say that again. You can't hurt someone just because you don't understand them.

All hatred based on ignorance is upsetting, but I think the reason that I find hatred aimed at transgender men and women particularly disturbing is that after getting to know a few of these people, I feel like they are facing an internal struggle worthy of a lot of compassion on the part of other people. Many trans men and women reach out for understanding and receive hatred. I sometimes see the results of this in what they say and write. Some of them stop expecting to be treated well; they express surprise when people show them respect and kindness; they are rarely shocked (though deeply hurt and upset, of course) to hear about crimes committed against other transgender people and I think it's fair to say that many have either been the victim of harsh prejudice, or expect to be when they transition, or both.

It is appropriate for the Transgender Day of Remembrance to talk about transgendered people, but the salient point is not that they are transgender, but that they are people. And if the sampling I've discovered is anything to go by, really cool and articulate and funny people. They've been really open to me, answered some questions, and generally dealt very kindly with my naivety on the subject of transgender. It makes me feel really scared and mad to know they may be treated badly for no better reason than that they don't fit neatly into society's pre-determined boxes.

This video was prepared by some people in the transgender community for Transgender Day of Remembrance. I hope you'll take the time to watch it and acknowledge and remember the people who died.

Cross-posted at TRANScendGENDER.

things i did on the weekend

2008-11-24T12:56:00.005+11:00

1. Got a new boarder. He's from Saudi Arabia, which means our home will, most weeks, be a pork-free zone. He's quite gregarious, which I'm sure is a shock to the system for Hermit Boy, my Japanese boarder. He's definitely an extrovert and very eager to increase his level of English, so he chats a lot, but he's also not used to that much English, so by yesterday evening he was exhausted. I remember that!! At work in Japan most people wanted to speak English to me, but church was three hours of trying to understand Japanese way beyond my level that had me struggling to stay awake and not miss my stop on the train home (and it was only two stations from Ibaraki to Takatsuki).

2. Told Dancer Boy (aka Keyboard Kid) that I was going to rename him Flexi Boy on my blog after he showed me some particularly twisty moves he's picked up learning Contemporary. He's been concerned because he is the only one in his dance class that hasn't been learning dance for at least ten years and isn't doing more than four classes a week, but today his dance teacher told him that he's catching them up, so he was pretty excited. It's pretty exciting for me, too, to watch him get better as a dancer week by week. We watch a lot of dance-related TV shows or movies together (especially 'So You Think You Can Dance?') but suddenly he can watch a move and then two days later he's doing it in my kitchen. Wow.

3. Realised that despite reading numerous related posts, I had somehow missed the fact that Transgender Remembrance Day was happening. I would like to post something on that, but I'll do it tomorrow.

4. Gave the Primary kids left over Halloween candy. They all left with an eyeball, an ear, a severed finger or a nose. :)

and yet my enthusiasm refuses to wane

2008-11-23T19:49:00.001+11:00

The Screenit.com review of Twilight:

"TWILIGHT" (2008) (Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson)(PG-13) Drama/Horror: After relocating to a small town to live with her dad, a teenager meets and ends up falling for a teenage vampire who's torn between his love for her and his appetite for her blood. Based on the novel of the same name, this is bad in a "Mystery Science Theater 3000" sort of way. There's purposefully overwrought teen angst, melodrama andsoap opera trappings, a languid pace, mediocre to often bad direction, bland acting, really cheesy special effects, and a story that should have had a stake run through it due to being quite trite. All of which means the film is a chore to sit through, especially in its 120 or so minute incarnation.

Sadly I am so eager for any movie the vampire gods offer that I'll probably still love it. /blush/

sytycd? canada ~ top 16

2008-11-19T06:58:00.000+11:00

Ahhhh, crump is such a fun dance. Lil C is not only a great choreographer but also a good teacher. He brings out the beast in people by teaching them how to allow themselves to let out that kind of energy, aggression and passion.
Favourite Jean Marc comment this episode was when he said that the routine was so good that Lil C should now be known as Capital C. *LOL* Nice one.

But my favourite routine by far this episode was an afro-jazz routine choreographed by Sean Cheesman and danced by my favourite couple, Lisa and Vincent. Glorious!!

i don't often pine after riches

2008-11-18T23:04:00.001+11:00

but some days...

(middle item)

Who would you like to have afternoon tea with?

sytycd? canada ~ top 18

2008-11-18T00:41:00.004+11:00

Quick post for this episode: my favourite dance this week was a brilliant pasa doble danced by Natalli and Francis. In highlighting this dance I want to also point out the costuming ~ the dress in particular is perfect for pasa doble, where the woman represents the bull fighter's cape.

This NY-style mambo is also pretty hot.

sytycd? canada ~ top 20

2008-11-17T12:39:00.001+11:00

The show opened with a hot, hot salsa routine from Arassay (Ah-rah-sigh) and Nico. They are one of my favourite couples. This is not the best routine of the night, but it's danced with such joy that I wanted to share it anyway.

Much longer, but better quality version.

My other favourite routine of the night was this contemporary routine choreographed by Stacey Tookey and danced by Lisa and Vincent (vin-son). Tookey describes the story as being about balance between a couple and for the dancers the routine was a lot about trust. I love the music choice (Emmy Rossum's 'Slow Me Down'), and i'm glad these two danced it. It's one of those routines that made me really emotional watching it. I love those.

Great start to the series. I also liked this hip hop routine danced by Natalli and Kevin (don't bother watching him ~ he's dancing the routine, she IS the routine) and this jive danced by Allie and Danny was really fun.

i have way too much time on my hands

2008-11-16T21:07:00.002+11:00

So I've been looking for a way to fill the space between the 4th season of SYTYCD? and the 2nd season of SYTYCD? Australia. How better to do so than watching the 1st season of SYTYCD? Canada!!

Differences:

Who is Leah Miller? I can tell you who she is NOT. She is not Canada's answer to Cat Deeley. She's not terrible, but she's not adorable or sexy either...both of which Cat and the Australian host, Natalie Bassingthwaighte, have in spades. She's definitely more dolly bird than living doll. Apologies to any Canadians who think she's the bees knees.

The judges are waaaay kinder than the US or Aussie judges. The Canadian judges are always carrying on about how amazing the dancers were and sometimes gloss over lack of technique to rave about entertainment value or how hot they looked. They remind me of Marcia Hines on Australian Idol ~ the one judge who will never say anything negative and therefore is completely unhelpful to the contestants in knowing how to improve.

There are two regular judges, Tre Armstrong and Jean Marc Genereux (he often choreographs for the US show), and two guest judges that change each week. Tre makes the most intelligent/useful comments and is very articulate when explaining dance moves or genres. Jean Marc is hilarious and sweetly over-enthusiastic. He's a ballroom expert, but that's not my favourite things about him. His English isn't perfect (not that that should be an issue on a Canadian show - he speaks one of their national languages perfectly) and he sometimes messes up in the cutest ways (much cuter if you've ever taught English as a second language). My favourite so far is when he told a dancer they were "a force to be recognised". :) That should become a saying.

The voiceover guy that introduces Leah each week sounds like he's been chewing hot gravel. Kinda weird. And one last difference is that it's free to vote from your landline. SMS still costs, but it is possible to vote for free, which is pretty cool.

I've already watched about five shows, so be prepared to see episode highlights posts way too many times this week, the first in about ten minutes. But you'll get to see some cool dancing and choreography as a result!

rollover beethoven!

2008-11-15T23:42:00.005+11:00

Oh, and did you notice what happens when you hover the cursor over the Japanese in my last post?

That's right! You get a translation. I've been wanting to do this for ages (it's how I'm hearing the post in my head when I write about Japanese stuff), but I knew that probably only six people reading it would understand the Japanese.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Thmazing who just inadvertantly taught me the easiest way to do rollover text that I've ever seen (read: I just checked out his page source info for a post where he used the same trick). May you be visited karma style by random info you'd been looking for.

And I would have given you the html to do the same, but it keeps thinking it's an actual html command, so it won't display it properly (new trick to learn I guess), so if you want to know you'll have to go to the permanent link for this post, then once there right click on the screen and choose 'view source' (for IE) or 'view page source' (for FF).

fun stuff on geekologie

2008-11-14T21:59:00.002+11:00

Geekologie always have pretty fun stuff. This week it includes:

If the Matrix ran on Windows.

Fiber Optic Wallpaper

This popping edamame keychain which I めちゃめちゃほしい.

And this story about a guy who crystalised an entire apartment. So freaking cool. If I ever own my own house I'd love to do that to one room (and yes probably never will, but stop thinking in terms of reality). Actually I've always wanted a tatami room, too. Maybe I could crystalise it first and then replace the crystally floor with tatami matting. The apartment (shown in the video below) looks like a dark, wet, sparkly cave, but imagine a room like that after someone with the money to do it had fitted it out properly and gotten great light in there. It would look unbelieveable. I wonder if the crystals stay once they form or have a limited span...? I feel like they'd stay, based on no scientific knowledge of the subject whatsoever.

don't extinguish love

2008-11-12T21:21:00.004+11:00

This is compassionate, intelligent and inspiring.

Thanks Craig, for sharing it!

invites that make you go hmmm...

2008-11-11T16:22:00.003+11:00

I received an invitation this morning to join a cause on Facebook ~ Protect Marriage: One Man, One Woman.

Yeah. I don't think so.

I've been discussing this issue on a Hatrack thread. It's reminded me why I stopped going there...very frustrating at times. This is one of my posts on that forum (bold = text quoted from a previous poster):

Originally posted by Scott R:According to the court that struck down prop 22, there were 9 ways that domestic partnerships in CA differed from marriage.I've already stated that I see no problems with equalizing marriages and domestic partnerships by granting those 9 points.So the discussion, at least as far as my opinion about California's laws are concerned, is that obviously, it is not about civil rights; in that regard, there is parity.

So you see no problems with that? How reassuring. Do you actually not see the arrogance there?

This is not just about the rights you are so generously willing to see granted. This is also about the right to use the word 'marriage'. Marriage is an "institution that conveys dignity and respect to the lifetime commitment of any couple". It's like the water fountain argument someone made earlier. It's not relevant if the water is the same, or if the fountain is the same size or in the same locations. It is in the implied need for a separate water fountain that the denial of a person's humanity begins.

What is it about homosexuals that prompts you to keep the word marriage from them? Why it is important that their unions not wear the same label as yours? Why can't they drink at your water fountain?

Many religions have a building they refer to as a temple. The LDS church doesn't lay claim to the word, even though the temple is its most sacred location. In Hindu temples, people worship a plethora of heathen gods. I've been to several Buddhist temples in Japan and the level of commerce in those places contrasts sharply with the purpose and environment of an LDS temple. I'm sure that not a single 'temple' worldwide exactly mirrors the LDS temple. But so what? LDS temple patrons lose nothing as a result of these alternative definitions of the word. Those other worshippers, however, gain something by using it for themselves. The word has not only meaning to them individually, but also is understood in society to convey a certain level of respect and sacredness, even from those who think their beliefs are strange or abhorrent.

You can't just say that you are comfortable with granting the rights you choose to grant and withhold one that makes you squeamish. That's the nature of equality and rights - what you are 'comfortable with' isn't relevant, because your comfort isn't the goal.